It has been brought to my attention that it is now politically incorrect to use the term “teabagger” for a Palinite, Beckista, Ditto- head or the like. The protesters sometimes used the term to describe themselves, but apparently they were unaware that “teabagging” refers to a sexual practice seldom discussed in polite society.
The 236th anniversary of the original Tea Party is coming soon. On Dec. 16, 1773, American revolutionaries boarded three British vessels in Boston Harbor, chopped open 342 shipping chests, and tossed the tea into the brine.
They were angry about “taxation without representation.” I know the feeling. As part of a statewide protest against taxation by unelected water conservancy district boards, I once dropped a tea bag into the Arkansas River. It had the same effect as spitting into a bonfire.
The original tea-bag protests this year were not the April 15 “dump a million teabags in Lafayette Park that instead got piled in the conference room of the Competitive Enterprise Institute.” Instead, the word went out earlier that “With an envelope, a stamp, and a bag of tea, millions of Americans can send a peaceful message; our lives have value,” so “we ask that you join us on April 1st, 2009, in sending the Oval Office a Tea Bag.”
You wonder what effect they had. Imagine President Obama reading a daily mail summary: “Yesterday we received 31 accusations of a cover-up concerning cattle mutilations and UFOs, four queries about which mosque you secretly attend, an offer of a pet goat for your daughters, and 114 tea bags, which we’d like to donate to charity except we’re not sure what’s in them and testing them would cost more than they’re worth, but maybe we can compost them for the First Lady’s garden.”
Mailing objects to make a political statement is not new. In 1993, Denver teachers wanted a pay raise, and their union announced a “Rock the Board” protest.
Each teacher was supposed to find five rocks, then wrap and mail them to the five school board members who had voted for the no-raise budget. Somehow, this was supposed to change their minds.
Lest you think that only a teachers union would choose a tactic that stupid, consider a more recent parcel-post protest. Maine Sen. Olympia Snow sits on the Finance Committee, which was then considering the health-reform bill. She’s a Republican, but she wouldn’t pass the new Grand Old Purity test, especially after she voted to move the bill out of committee.
Erick Erickson at advised readers that she “has sold out the country . . . we should melt her. What melts snow? Rock salt. I’m going to ship this 5 pound bag of rock salt to her office in Maine . . . . You should join me. It is a visible demonstration of our contempt for her . . . . It’s time to melt Snowe.”
Indeed, bags of a white powdery substance sent to a U.S. senator’s office will get attention these days. What the hell was he thinking?
Nonetheless, this moronic mail-in protest method seems unlikely to go away, so I ask one of my right-thinking colleagues to offer something like this:
“Ed Quillen is always ranting about how billionaires have too much influence on our political and judicial systems. It’s pretty clear that this over-the-hill hippie has something against money. So let’s teach him a lesson. Grab a bill from your wallet — at least $20, although $50 or $100 will make an even stronger statement — stick it in an envelope, and send it to him at P.O. Box 548, Salida CO 81201.”
Remember, folks, it’s easier to send filthy lucre than rocks, tea bags or rock salt, and I’ll get the message. As our Congress has repeatedly demonstrated, money makes the strongest statement.
Ed Quillen (ekquillen@gmail.com) of Salida is a freelance writer and history buff, and a frequent contributor to The Post.
