Dear Margo: I am at a loss. My cousin and I are in our late 20s and quite close. This past year, her newborn son was diagnosed with a condition called SMA type-1. It is a form of muscular dystrophy and is terminal. Babies born this way are missing a gene needed to build and maintain muscle. There is no cure, and babies rarely survive their first year.
I am in awe of my cousin’s strength. She has developed a large network of friends on the Internet, who all have, or have lost, a child to this illness. Every time we talk on the phone or see each other, she updates me on all the babies who have passed away since the last time we spoke. Talking about these things helps her cope and prepares her for what is coming. My problem is that I’m empathetic by nature and am becoming increasingly overwhelmed hearing about all these babies passing away. How do I curb what I am feeling so that I can keep listening for as long as she needs me to? — Overwhelmed
Dear Ove: The thing is, she doesn’t need to talk with you about these deaths because she has this large support network. I would tell her it’s become too much for you to hear of all this loss, and that you are grateful she has her support group, all of whom are experiencing the same thing. You are not really part of their “club” and must ask to be left out of the loop of updates. That said, tell her you will do anything you can for her, and you love her as always. You might add that it’s wonderful she’s found such a source of strength in fellow sufferers. My hope is that she will understand that other people do not have her reactions, nor should they. — Margo, protectively
Same song, second verse
Dear Margo: My husband and I have been married for 22 years. He always did like the ladies. My daughter has an on-again, off-again friendship with a girl who is now 21. There was always something about this girl I didn’t like. Well, my husband hired her to answer the business phone, organize receipts and run errands, paying her $250 a week. At least, that’s what he told me. Someone in the office told me that most of the time this girl was supposed to be working, she would be sleeping and no phone calls were getting answered. The business lost several opportunities for new jobs because of this.
Well, he never told me he hired her; I just found out. My daughter was mad, as was I, and we talked him into firing her and letting my daughter do the work. As time went on, I found texts from her on his phone saying, “Where you taking me to lunch today?” and “What’s wrong you can’t talk today?” Then one day he got a picture mail of some little cartoon character in a sexual situation. That’s when I lost it. He played it all off, saying he only took her to lunch once. (I now believe that was a lie.) When he got the cartoon, I told him that crossed the line and was totally inappropriate. Supposedly he told her to stop calling and texting him, but he always seemed to know what was going on with my daughter. My question is: I need to know if I am nuts to think what I am thinking. What do you make of this so-called friendship between this 21-year-old girl and my husband (49)? — PR
Dear P: I make of it what you make of it. Lines have definitely been crossed — perhaps all of them. I think you would be on solid ground to take your assumptions as fact and respond in whatever way you think fitting. — Margo, circumstantially
Dear Margo is written by Margo Howard, Ann Landers’ daughter. All letters must be sent via e-mail to dearmargo@creators.com. Due to a high volume of e-mail, not all letters will be answered.
