Dear Amy: I am a new employee at an office that is 99 percent male.
At our Christmas office party, one of my co-workers was hitting on me rather inappropriately, including making comments about my breasts.
Because I am new, I tried to politely distance myself from him and talk with other co-workers.
The next day at work, my boss approached me and said that he was notified of the “friendliness” between that co-worker and me at the party. He told me I shouldn’t waste my time with him and that he is beneath me.
I explained that I was not interested.
This guy keeps inviting me to hang out with him, and I wonder what he’s telling the other employees about us.
I do not want to be wrongly labeled the office slut. How should I tactfully rectify this situation? — Damage Control
Dear Damage: You need to get tough about this and be clear from now on that you won’t tolerate sexual come-ons or harassment.
It would help if you were less concerned with being tactful. As a new employee, it is understandable that you would want to be careful, but jerks like your co-worker aren’t concerned with tact. He sounds like a predator.
The next time your co-worker asks you to hang out, say, “I’m not interested in hanging out with you; you can stop asking me, OK?”
Because your boss picked up on this and chose to ask you about it (also making inappropriate comments, at least in my view), you should seek a private meeting with him and tell him what actually happened at the Christmas party.
You could follow up by saying, “I don’t want to make a big deal out of this, but I wanted you to know about this and if it happens again, I’ll tell you so you can do something about it.”
Document every instance of harassment with an account of what happened and your reaction. If your office has an HR representative, prepare yourself to bring this behavior to his or her attention.
Dear Amy: I am nine weeks’ pregnant with my first child.
I want to find out the baby’s gender before the birth, but my husband does not.
He wants to hear the proclamation from the doctor at the child’s birth.
He’s comfortable with my knowing but doesn’t want me to tell anyone else.
I’m perfectly OK with his not knowing and with keeping that secret from him.
Where it gets sticky is that I would like to talk about it with my sister and my closest friends, especially those who are parents.
What I’m also uncomfortable with is how to answer when people ask me, “Do you know what you’re having?” I’ve always found it sort of absurd when people have told me they know the gender but they’re not telling. — Gender Confusion
Dear Confusion: Respect your husband’s wishes. You can assume that as time goes on, he may change his mind or you may slip and refer to your bump as “he” or “she,” thereby letting the baby out of the bag.
When people ask, there is nothing wrong with saying, “I know the baby’s gender but I’m keeping it private for now because ‘Brad’ wants to be surprised.”
There is very little about pregnancy that is private, and you may come to appreciate keeping this knowledge to yourself. Excitement and anxiety over your baby’s gender is natural at this early stage, but as time goes by your fascination in this will pale in comparison with your wishes that the baby (whatever gender) is healthy.
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