Dear Readers: I try to stay away from response letters, for various reasons, but I thought the following letter would be compelling — and perhaps valuable — for what I can safely say is a large army of “other women.” This writer is referring to a letter from “the other woman,” who is trying to decide whether or not to leave her marriage for a man who is very simpatico, even though he has not committed to leaving his.
Dear Margo: I feel I must respond to “Grieving.” I do not feel sorry for you. You chose to have an affair with a married man, and now you are suffering the consequences. My suggestion to you is to put forth the energy you are wasting on my husband and try to improve your own marriage. My husband is not interested in marrying you. When his affair was discovered (thank you very much for leaving all your clues in my car), I promptly asked him to leave. I said, “If you think the grass is greener and that you could be happier with someone else, please be my guest.” After very little thought, he decided to go to counseling to improve our marriage.
The bottom line is this: My husband is a cheater because he has zero self-esteem. You were not the first, and I’m sure not the last. His inability to achieve intimacy within a marriage is due to his lack of self-respect, as well as his lack of respect for people in general. My choice to stay with him is complicated, but if you think I’ve won, think again. Good luck, and I hope you learn to have some integrity along the way. — You Know My Name
How Not To Get Caught in the Undertow
Dear Margo: My MIL has been diagnosed with bipolar disorder. She lost custody of her children when they were preteens for putting them in dangerous situations, such as inviting strange men into her home and dragging them around the country whenever she was having a manic episode. She’s extremely manipulative and constantly threatens suicide. She won’t take her medicine and refuses any medical help. We have done everything we can to make things easier for her by helping her fill out paperwork, etc. I cannot tell you how many times my husband has had to take a leave of absence from his studies to go find her in some strange state doing something bizarre. (You probably don’t want to know more than that.)
When we take trips to see the family, we of course visit. It has gotten to the point that I can barely stand the sight of her. Everyone is scared of telling her anything because of the constant threat of suicide. She is not going to change, and I understand that she has a very real problem, but I don’t know how to accept this person in my life. My husband and I have a wonderful communicative relationship, but this has been a real source of contention. Of course, this has taken an emotional toll on my husband, as well. Please help me find some way to accept this. — I Have a Diagnosed Crazy MIL
Dear I: When you write that you take trips to visit the family, this tells me your husband is not out there by himself. I suggest he enlist all the others to pitch in. It is quite clear that your MIL is not going to be able to outrun her illness, so for you, I recommend a support group to help you cope and not ruin your marriage. Contact NAMI (National Alliance on Mental Illness) at . NAMI is the nation’s largest grassroots mental health organization dedicated to improving the lives of people living with mental illness and their families. — Margo, hopefully
Dear Margo is written by Margo Howard, Ann Landers’ daughter. All letters must be sent via e-mail to dearmargo@creators.com. Due to a high volume of e-mail, not all letters will be answered.
COPYRIGHT 2010 MARGO HOWARD
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