Dear Margo: When my mother remarried, we moved about 45 minutes from where we were originally. Then my stepfather took a job (which they forgot to tell us he was looking for) about nine hours away. We moved again. He got another new job about two hours away that paid much more, so he now lives there and comes home on the weekends. But our mother is telling us that we will most likely move there.
I didn’t complain about the first three moves, but I am actually enjoying the place we are living in now. She told us each move was permanent, but after her husband’s most recent move, she said we would stay until I was out of high school. This was a promise from her, partly because we had already moved so much.
I’m sick of her broken promises, and although I love her dearly, I would never be able to forgive her for a stunt like this. She is tap dancing on my last good nerve by still planning on moving. If she hadn’t promised us so many times, or if she had thought about what my sister and I might need instead of continually moving wherever my stepfather wanted to go, it might not be this way. If she does make this move, I know our relationship will be damaged permanently. — Homesick
Dear Home: I think it’s nice that your mother is being so accommodating of her husband, but sheesh, all right already. I think three moves, with a fourth on the horizon, is unfair when there are high-school-aged kids involved. I suggest you show her this column and remind her that her word should be worth something, and that there are others in the family to be considered besides her husband. This man, as well, does not sound as though he is considering his family. I hope you can change your mother’s mind. — Margo, stably
A 7-Year-Old Headed for Project Runway?
Dear Margo: I have been sewing since I was a child and had hoped one of my daughters would be interested in it, as well, but this has not happened. My 7-year-old son (fascinated with power tools and woodworking), however, asked for a sewing machine.
He has made things such as beanbags, pillows and small items for his sisters’ stuffed animals. He’s not the least bit interested in designing clothes, although I did help him make pajamas for himself. Recently, I was telling my mom (from whose mother I inherited the sewing talent) that “Joey” had helped me make sashes for our church’s decorating committee, and she accused me of trying to “turn him into a girl.” I find this highly insulting, as sewing is gender neutral. (Aren’t men tailors?)
Her implication that my son is gay because he wants to sew is ridiculous. He is so proud of the work he does, and she refuses to acknowledge it, unlike everyone else in the family, as well as teachers, our priest and friends. Do I continue to foster his creativity and ignore her? I don’t want her saying hurtful things to him. I would think she’d be happy that the talent I inherited was being passed along, whether to her grandson or granddaughter. — Sputtering
Dear Sput: Your benighted mother is stuck in gender-stereotype limbo. I did a scientific survey — well, OK, I asked four gay male friends, but they all said they cannot even sew on a button. My husband sews buttons on for me — a fringe benefit of a surgeon’s familiarity with needle and thread. In any case, continue to encourage your son in whatever interests him, and inform your mother that his sexuality will be determined by time and instinct, not a sewing machine. Also, tell her that remarking to her grandson on her “interpretation” of his interest in sewing is verboten and that she must … well, button her lip. — Margo, rationally
Dear Margo is written by Margo Howard, Ann Landers’ daughter. All letters must be sent via e-mail to dearmargo@creators.com. Due to a high volume of e-mail, not all letters will be answered.
COPYRIGHT 2010 MARGO HOWARD
DISTRIBUTED BY
