Colorado, in a dazzling display of common sense, outlawed texting while driving.
All you have to do is turn on your vehicle’s ignition to realize that it was a good idea. Obviously, it’s, ahem, challenging enough on in-state roadways without drivers having their attentions diverted by extra electronics.
We may need an amendment — no texting while umpiring.
It was never proved to the satisfaction of city or state officials, but Thomas Jefferson nine-year coach Tory Humphrey insists he was ejected from a game last week when he got into it with the only female umpire in the city area who his players said was paying unusual attention to a hand-held device that wasn’t designed to keep track of balls, strikes or outs.
“Our kids said she was texting during the game,” Humphrey said.
As a result, the coach sat out last Friday’s game against South and is on restriction for a year, a kind of prep answer to being on double-secret probation.
No word yet if Letterman’s writers have called to develop a top-10 list.
Humphrey, usually an affable sort, referred to the important Denver Prep League game against John F. Kennedy as “poorly called, it was horrible,” and that he was asked to identify himself when questioning a call. Apparently, wearing a TJ uniform was meaningless, and standard introductions at home plate before the first pitch were somehow forgotten.
When he asked questions or for an appeal, he said the response he received was: “What?”
Who are we as members of in-state baseball, the Mickey Mouse Club?
True or false, the suggestion puts umpires under even more scrutiny in a year in which ejections have been on the rise and opens a door no one in sports on any level wants to enter.
Use your imagination when considering the possibilities. Umpires texting during games? It would require reading, which is always good, but grammar, spelling, diction, sentence structure and the like would continue to suffer.
For instance, there’s a bang-bang play at first base and everyone’s waiting for the call, but the ump’s head is somewhere else: hi, honey, i’m at a game. had a bad day, boss stinx. and do we need milk? oh, gotta go, have to make a ruling.
Umpires could text between themselves, including on making decisions: bill, u c that ball? fair or fowl? all i saw over there wuz that nu camaro behind the fens. nice color.
Or: if the wildcatz coach sez 1 more thing, heez dun. tried to show me up in ’04. i kick him of the feeld.
And why limit it to umpires only? Instead of leaving the dugout to argue, coaches wouldn’t have to be bothered. They can text from the on-deck circle: u r the werst ump i ever scene. u stink. And if broomed from the game, texting could continue. Remember the late Billy Martin using walkie-talkies after an ejection when managing the Yankees?
Frighteningly, moms and dads in the stands would have even more freedom. No more embarrassing cries of “C’mon, blue!” Now, it could be done discreetly while also sending copies to friends: u should have scene me tell of that ump. who does she think she is? c’mon blu!
Third-base coaches wouldn’t have to touch their belts, caps, chins, noses or chests. Signs could be sent directly to the players: johnny, get a hit, woodya? And how about player to player: dude, thro a strike.
Believe Humphrey when he termed the episode as “weird.”
TJ, which captured its seventh DPL title in eight seasons, trailed 6-1 at the time of Humphrey’s removal, then rallied for a 13-8 victory. A member of Colorado’s baseball committee, Humphrey appealed through offering his account in writing to the state organization but agreed to accept his one-game suspension and being watched in the future.
“Rules are rules,” Humphrey said, adding that he apologized to his team for the incident. “I know most of the umpires. . . . If they miss a call, they miss a call. If he has a low strike zone, let’s find it.”
He admitted something else: “I could never umpire.”
Hopefully, we’ve heard the last of this, but does a bold, self-centered public really listen when told not to use cellphones? LOL!
Neil H. Devlin: 303-954-1714 or ndevlin@denverpost.com
