Dear Amy: I have a son who is 14 years old and in the ninth grade.
He plays football. My husband is always pushing him to do better, but I think he is great already.
He is one of the best players on his team. The coach thinks he should go on the varsity team, but I don’t agree.
My husband and I don’t see eye to eye on this.
I think that if my husband keeps putting all of this pressure on him, he is going to end up hating football and then quit the team — and he is a wonderful player.
Can you help me to decide what to do? — Stressed Out Mom
Dear Stressed: One person’s point of view is missing from your account — your son’s.
He is the most important character in this story, and in my view, he is old enough to make choices when it comes to sports.
Football is a physically punishing sport, and your son at 14 is still growing and developing. Many schools mandate an extra medical exam for younger players who want to move up to varsity, and I think this is necessary.
You are right that if your husband keeps pushing your son, he may quit the team.
This is an age-old story between fathers and sons.
As the parent with the larger perspective, your job is to encourage both parties to try to see the big picture. Make sure your son realizes that he has the freedom to make his own choices, regardless of what his father wants, and let him know that you will always advocate for him.
My favorite movie on the triumph and tension of high school football is the ancient (1983) movie, “All the Right Moves,” starring an extremely young Tom Cruise. Cruise recently said he suffered a concussion while shooting a football scene in that film, underscoring the potential dangers of the sport.
Dear Amy: My son is 19 years old, a full-time college student and has a part-time job. He lives with us, and I like it that way. He is an all-around good guy.
My question is, what type of curfew should he have while still living at home?
My husband and I go to bed around 10 p.m. We wake at around 5:30 a.m. We have other children much younger than our son at home. Initially, we requested 1 a.m. on the weekends and 10 p.m. on weeknights. This lasted about a week.
Our son says he feels we are treating him as if he was still in high school and he cannot enjoy the college experience with our curfew.
What would you say is reasonable? — Clockwatcher
Dear Clockwatcher: Lately I’ve been asked to weigh in on curfew questions. I assume this is a result of the economy forcing more young adults to live with their folks.
You don’t say what curfew your son thinks is reasonable. His views on this are important because if you are able to negotiate this with him, he is more likely to adhere to your mutual decision.
You also don’t say what part of the “college experience” your son is missing. Presumably he wants a little more time in the evening to burn midnight oil at the campus library?
If he is able to return home after your bedtime without disturbing the rest of the household, I could see extending his weekday curfew to 11 p.m. and his Saturday curfew to 2 a.m. — but only if he is a present, pleasant and productive member of the household when he is home.
Dear Amy: I hope you remind those wives whose husbands cannot be monogamous that they should be tested occasionally for sexually transmitted diseases.
This would truly be a valuable public service announcement. — Williamsburg Nurse
Dear Nurse: I agree that anyone in a sexual relationship with a partner who is not monogamous should be tested for STDs. Thank you for this healthy reminder.
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