What is the solution for bullying in our schools? I don’t have the simple answer many are looking for but I can offer a potential solution that makes sense from my experience: There is no silver bullet, but one piece of advice is worth heeding, don’t blame the schools. Parents and students, share the responsibility for bullying and all are responsible for the solution.
As a middle school principal, I dealt with more than a few incidents of intimidation and bullying. As an EMT and county coroner I sometimes spent early morning hours dealing with the aftermath of violent domestic episodes resulting in serious injuries or death. Some of these tragic events were witnessed by children. This type of modeling by parents is an unacceptable example for our children of how to resolve conflicts.
Solving the problem will take a dedicated and committed team of parents, teachers, students and the principal to work with the individual student who is doing the bullying or being bullied.
Steps for this team should first include listening for as long as it takes to understand the problem, with each team member having the opportunity to speak and be heard. Next, the team should agree upon at least one belief that everyone present can accept. An example would be that everyone wants his/her child or themselves to feel safe while in school.
A third and crucial step for the team is to develop an action plan that involves all participants. This means that the parent, student, teacher, and principal leave the meeting, each with an individual responsibility to make the plan a success.
A follow-up step would be to meet in two or three weeks and thereafter as necessary, on a semi-regular basis, to check on the plan’s implementation and make adjustments as needed. The team makes adjustments to the plan and reassesses responsibilities, without assigning blame.
Although the ultimate solution involves a team approach, as a parent, you can play a major role in decreasing the incidents of bullying in schools. You must model values and appropriate behaviors that avoid physical and emotional abuse. You are your child’s first teacher and he/she must learn through your example how to treat others respectfully.
An important part of your responsibility is to know when your child is a bully or a victim of bullying. Visit with his friends and teachers. Call the principal’s office and set up an appointment. Through my experience I have learned that it is not easy to admit your child is a bully or victim and to begin moving toward a solution. Inaction is not acceptable and can result in something much more difficult, a bright future ending abruptly in a body bag. The decision is yours.
Rudy Malesich lives in Grand Junction. EDITOR’S NOTE: This is an online-only column and has not been edited.
