Dear Margo: I am a 28-year-old woman. I’ve never been married, and I have no children. For the past four months, I have enjoyed a great relationship with a truly wonderful guy. Yesterday, he confided to me that he has a pantyhose fetish. He explained that he gets extremely turned on by seeing women wearing pantyhose and by wearing pantyhose himself. He occasionally wears them under his clothes while he is out in public.
He feels very strongly that I should know about his fetish, and that I should know his feelings about pantyhose are not likely to change. He hopes I can accept him just the way he is, but he will understand if I want to end the relationship. Do you think this is a big enough deal to break up over? — “Wanda”
Dear Wan: Oh, no. This is more common than you think, and some guys go for the whole deal … high heels, wigs, makeup. And they are straight. I salute him for fessing up, and you should regard this as merely a little kink. If it turns him on to see you in pantyhose and to wear them himself, have a ball. Look at it as so much better than needing porn or a third for bridge. And perhaps suggest to him my two favorite brands: L’eggs and Wolford. — Margo, playfully
When caution = wisdom
Dear Margo: I am utterly humiliated! I’m 32, the mother of a 14-year-old daughter, “Sarah,” and a general supermom: intelligent, athletic, attractive and competent. My daughter worships me, and her friends think I’m terrific. I’ve taught Sarah to be independent and assertive, and I always try to set the example.
A few days ago, Sarah and I came home from shopping and walked in on a couple of young punks burglarizing our home. Assertive me froze! I put my arms around Sarah and told the guys to take what they want and not hurt us. Thankfully, we were not harmed, but we were left on a bathroom floor bound and gagged with duct tape — safe but feeling helpless and humiliated. Neither of us could get loose, and we had to lie there squirming for hours until my husband came home and found us.
Never during the time we spent bound did Sarah cry, and her fierce efforts to get loose long after I had given up made me feel proud. But her first words when our gags were removed were, “Mom, we could have taken them. Why did you let them tape us up?” Those words punished me more than being confronted by robbers, more than spending hours tied up and gagged. I felt I had let my daughter down. I don’t think I’ll ever recover from the feeling that I gave in without fighting. How do I make this up to her and regain my sense of competence and authority? — Virginia
Dear Vir: I beg to differ. Unless your teenage daughter has a black belt in karate, there’s no way the two of you could have “taken them.” And even if you thought you had a chance, it wouldn’t have been a wise thing — or a sure thing. In such a situation, law enforcement people stress that you acquiesce to avoid the robbers becoming rattled and harming you. The things they took are only things. Your instincts were right, and your daughter’s were immature. (Or she’s been watching too much television.) This experience was an extreme version of a teachable moment, and rather than feel humiliated or that you’ve failed, make the lesson to your daughter be that the correct response is not to get into a physical altercation with two men — even “young punks” — intent on criminal activity. You in no way let her down, and I hope you will reinforce the wisdom of behaving as you did. — Margo, sensibly
Dear Margo is written by Margo Howard, Ann Landers’ daughter. All letters must be sent via e-mail to dearmargo@creators.com. Due to a high volume of e-mail, not all letters will be answered.
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