Dear Amy: You ran a letter from “Tired Teacher” in your column.
Tired was asking how to manage the near-constant e-mail contact from parents demanding instant responses.
As someone in the education field who has experienced this, I have found the best way to handle these folks is to avoid being defensive and to stay calm.
You can respond back via e-mail first; then progress to a phone call and then a meeting, if that doesn’t work.
It helps to keep in mind that parents usually want what is best for their child and your job is to help them see that what you are doing is for the good of their child in the long run.
If you always respond professionally and politely to e-mails, even when they are nasty, eventually the majority of parents will come to trust you.
Unless it’s an emergency, any communication with parents should wait for planning periods and after school, to keep the teacher focused on his or her primary job — which is to teach children. — Not So Tired Teacher
Dear Teacher: I have had an abundance of mail in response to the letter from the teacher who didn’t know how to respond to parents who expected an instant response to their e-mails.
Speaking as someone who deals with a great volume of e-mail, your suggestion to “avoid being defensive and to stay calm” is the best way to respond to just about any negative contact.
I’d also like to recommend an informative book: “Between Home and School: Letters, Notes and Emails,” by Bill Harley (2010, Round River Productions).
This might be a good holiday gift for a special teacher in your child’s life.
Dear Amy: Recently I threw a baby shower luncheon for my sister-in-law. One guest called to tell me that she is a vegetarian, and another guest called to “inform me” that she is on a strict gluten-free diet.
I didn’t mind their giving me this information, but what upset me was their “you need to accommodate me” attitude. Neither lady offered to bring a dish that would suit her needs.
It took a lot of extra work for me to make the dishes to satisfy their diets.
My mother-in-law told me that I should have stuck to my original menu and then let the “special” guests worry about their own needs. What do you think is proper? — Hostess Who Gave the Mostest
Dear Hostess: Sometimes you just can’t win. If guests with special diets can’t consume the offerings at a meal, hosts feel frustrated and wish they had been informed ahead of time.
If people contact you before an event informing you of their special dietary needs, it is kind of you to extend your generosity by trying to provide whatever food they can eat.
You could easily cover both the vegetarian and the gluten-free diet by providing a vegetable and a fruit salad.
You might have prompted these women to adjust their attitudes and also assist you by asking, “Could you give me some suggestions about specific dishes you can eat?”
If a suggestion is beyond your ability to provide, you should be honest and say so.
Dear Amy: “Almost Wife” said her longtime boyfriend didn’t want to include her children in their lives.
Nowadays when divorce is more common, you have to know that when you get involved with a woman or man who has children that they are part of the package in the relationship.
My fiancee is a divorced woman with a 4-year-old daughter whom I quite simply adore and look at as if she were my own.
If this guy cannot accept her children as family, then he truly does not care about her. She should cut her losses. — Love Her and Her Kid
Dear Love: Lucky you! Lucky her! And very lucky kid!
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