Dear Amy: I have had two interviews with a company — one by phone and the other in person. I sent a note of thanks and asked what the next steps would be. The response was that the company was regrouping and they would get back to me the following week. Well, they never did.
I didn’t get the position, but I would have appreciated being notified that someone else was chosen.
Are we, as a society, becoming such cowards that we cannot be courteous? I realize that with the unemployment rate being high, it is impossible to respond to each and every person; however, if one has gone through the interview process, shouldn’t the person at least be notified of the outcome?
Come on, employers. Where are your manners? — Perplexed in Maryland
Dear Perplexed: I shared your letter with Alison Doyle, a human resources veteran and job-search expert for , who notes that with scores of applicants for each job, businesses don’t have much of an incentive to keep in touch with those who aren’t hired.
However, I don’t think this is particularly new. I have applied for many jobs over the years and have only once been notified that I wouldn’t be getting an offer.
No news is not necessarily bad news. You could take the silence as an opportunity to contact them again.
Call or e-mail the person who interviewed you to say you are following up. Say, “I understood from our conversation that you would be making a decision soon, and I wonder if there is anything additional I can add to supplement our discussion?”
Add a detail to demonstrate your interest and remind the person of your previous contact.
You have a greater incentive to keep this going than the company conducting the search. If your contact is professional and pleasant, you might be called for another position down the road. Don’t give up!
Dear Amy: I have been married for five years and have trust issues with my husband. I have my reasons; he hasn’t cheated on me, but he has lied to me a few times. My own insecurities don’t help my situation. I always think my husband is cheating or wants to cheat.
We don’t have intimate moments as much as we did at the beginning of our relationship, and my husband is depressed (he says).
I find it very hard to believe him sometimes when he tells me things. When I try to talk to him about my lack of trust, he gets defensive. I want to spy on him or ask him why I see different colored hair on his jacket, but I don’t know how to go about it without getting into a fight. Can you help me please? — Sticky Situation
Dear Sticky: Your constant suspicion, insecurities and lack of trust in your husband could be contributing to the lack of intimacy in your marriage — and his depression. On the other hand, his behavior could be making your situation worse.
You two are locked in an unhealthy and prickly embrace. Real intimacy (including sexual intimacy) starts with a conversation.
You don’t sound able to discuss your relationship in a productive way.
Get started by reading the book, “The Dance of Connection: How to Talk to Someone When You’re Mad, Hurt, Scared, Frustrated, Insulted, Betrayed or Desperate” by Harriet Lerner (2002, Harper Paperbacks).
Dear Amy: “Hurting Sister” wrote to you, worried about her younger sister. Both girls are survivors of abusive and addicted parents.
My heart goes out to them and I urge them to get help.
You suggested they start with their local Family and Children’s Services, but excellent, no-cost resources are available via Al-Anon, ACA or ACoA and Alateen. — Been There and Survived
Dear Been There: These are great suggestions that offer support. To learn more, check .
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