Dear Amy: I am 26 years old, and I have never gone beyond a second date with any guy.
Since I started dating at age 19, I have had a total of three so-called boyfriends.
Not too long ago, I went to a company party with a room full of eligible men. I was dressed in my very best with just a hint of makeup on, and not one guy looked at me twice.
I know I’m not ugly — I’m funny, smart, slightly bizarre and I love sports, especially football; but no matter what sort of smile I throw at a man or any kind of conversation I happen to start, I just cannot seem to have any man take much of an interest in me.
I know this sounds pathetic.
Should I continue on the path I’ve been on for more than seven years?
I dress in sensible but flattering clothes and wear just the right amount of makeup.
I have been using my spare time to try to attract different men in different places, including church. Should I just say to heck with it and focus all of my energy on making a real career for myself?
And before you answer, know that I’d rather not use online dating sites to find a man since you never know what sort of person you’re likely to meet. — Lovelorn
Dear Lovelorn: God forbid you should try online matching, where you might actually have a chance of meeting someone who responds positively to your description of yourself as “slightly bizarre.”
I’m not sure what’s going on with you, but your approach sounds frenzied and ever-so-slightly desperate. In dating, as with most things, if what you are doing isn’t working, you should change.
Despite the reputation churches seem to have as being hotbeds for singles, you should mainly go to church if you want to worship God.
If you want to find a guy, you should go to where the guys are. I would suggest you try the football field (a stated interest of yours) and online (a proven success).
The best way to attract people to you is to be the best version of yourself possible. Be quirky, be confident, be competent and cool. Work on your friendships — with women and men.
You might benefit from reading “If I’m So Wonderful, Why Am I Still Single? Ten Strategies That Will Change Your Love Life Forever,” by Susan Page (2002, Three Rivers Press).
Dear Amy: I had two best friends at college.
I knew that after graduation we would not see each other nearly as often, but I thought we would always remain friends.
However, every time we hang out now, it’s because I’ve put in the effort to get in touch with them and ask if they want to do something.
They’ll often say things like “Let’s get together soon” or “We need to hang out soon,” but neither of them makes the effort to actually make plans.
I’ve finally decided that I’m not going to ask them to hang out, and I’m going to wait for them to say something to me.
Am I being petty? — Tired
Dear Tired: You aren’t being petty, but you are wrestling with an issue you will probably encounter for the rest of your life.
You are blessed to be one of those assertive and energetic people who bring people together. Your friends are lucky to have you do the heavy lifting for them.
Before giving up on them altogether, you should convey that you’re tired of being the ringleader. Say, “I’m going to let you two come up with a plan to get together next time. Just let me know, and I’ll be there.”
Dear Amy: “Just Be Nice” complained about how dispassionate doctors are when delivering bad news.
I have seen both sides. One doctor delivered a devastating diagnosis, glanced at her chart and then took off. Another doctor sat with our family and comforted us as we wept. — Cynthia
Dear Cynthia: Consistent training might prompt a consistent result.
Write to askamy@tribune.com or Ask Amy, Chicago Tribune, TT500, 435 N. Michigan Ave., Chicago, IL 60611.
