Dear Amy: I am single, in my middle 20s and have a good job. This job pays well, and I could potentially have this job for the rest of my career. My colleagues like me, and my supervisor has assured me that my job is secure.
That being said, I do not feel as though I am fulfilling my passion in this job. I could work here for the next 30 years and be financially well off. I do not, however, know what my passion is or what I would do if I left this job.
In this economy, it is easy to justify staying in a job a person is not especially happy with. I know that jobs are difficult to get now and a person should be thankful to have one at all.
What are your thoughts, Amy? How does a person find a passion? — Wondering
Dear Wondering: Passion can be elusive. The more energetically you chase it, the faster it skitters away.
But chasing passion will lead you in unexpected directions. The search will lead to people, experiences, discovery and insight.
You shouldn’t leave your job right now. Nor should you consider your job to be a pair of golden handcuffs, shackling you to an uninspiring career for the next three decades.
Take a look around your workplace. Are there functions outside of your area you would like to try? Does your workplace offer seminars, training opportunities, fellowships or opportunities to learn about and perhaps work in other divisions?
In your time outside of work, you should read, travel, volunteer, listen to music, go to art openings and theater performances. Take up fencing or knitting. Develop some interests and expertise outside of your work life and your passion may find you.
Dear Amy: My husband’s parents live in a different state, and we see them infrequently, which my husband and I feel is enough.
He is not close to them, and we do not look forward to our visits. My mother-in- law is manipulative and seems to view her time with us as an opportunity to educate us on how to live our lives. My father-in-law just checks out.
In the past when my husband confronted her about this, my mother-in-law ended up in tears. As a result, for the past few years we have just been quietly biding our time during our visits and have basically stopped questioning their “advice” while in their presence.
Given the infrequent visits, this approach has been tolerable. However, now my in-laws have informed us they are planning to move to our area once they sell their house.
This was a bombshell. We feel violated and angry. We are horrified at the idea of them inserting themselves into our lives this way.
Do we have the right to ask them not to move here? If not, how do we convey our need for space and limited contact with them? We understand that they may be hurt, but we must set some boundaries. — Upset
Dear Upset: You do not have the right to tell your in-laws where to live. You must, however, be honest with them about how this affects you.
I agree with you that it is vital that you do your best to establish boundaries with them. Nodding in agreement while you wait for your encounters with them to end will no longer work.
Your husband should take the lead here and steel himself for tears and manipulation. He should be calm, kind, resolute and realize that his parents are adults and are responsible for their own choices.
Dear Amy: Is it a compliment (or is it politically incorrect) to inform someone that he/she looks good for his/her age?
Personally, if I were on the receiving end of that comment, I would be highly complimented. The “for your age” bit wouldn’t bother me in the least. — Wondering
Dear Wondering: It would bother me.
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