Dear Amy: I’ve been with my boyfriend for close to a year now. He’s 26, and I’m 22.
Within two months of our meeting he moved in with me. Six months later we got a puppy, and seven months later his 5-year-old son moved in too.
We want a future together and talk about it often.
I have never been in a serious relationship before, and this has been a huge adjustment. The problem is that we may not be as compatible as I would like.
He likes to drink and smoke marijuana (almost every day). I’m past this partying stage of life and just want to be responsible, finish my degree, and make smart(ish) choices.
It has created many problems because of the way he treats me — specifically the way he talks to me when he’s had one too many.
I feel his drinking only affects me and not so much him and his priorities.
When we met, he wasn’t living a very responsible life (no steady job, he did not have his son with him and didn’t have his own place).
I feel I’m too young for this, even though I’ve always wanted a family.
The thing is that he is a great guy in every other respect. He cooks, cleans, works hard, he’s sweet, he’s a great father to his son and he would never cheat on me.
Should I just stick it out until he can put down the beer when we’re “grown” and live responsible lives?
Do you think alcohol will always be a part of him considering he’s 26 and finds his way to getting beer even if we have barely any money? — Confused and Lost
Dear Confused: I agree with you that you two are not compatible. You seem more mature than your guy, and your desire for a grown-up life has landed you in a domestic situation you are not prepared for.
I take issue with your assertion that your guy’s “partying” really only impacts you. I sincerely doubt that he is able to be a fully functioning dad to his son while imbibing these two mood-altering substances.
In fact, this is practically the definition of poor parenting.
When he is mean to you because he has been drinking, his actions have an impact on the entire household.
I don’t know if this sweet man will choose to stop doing all of the things he’s currently doing.
So far, he has declared that he doesn’t want to change, so the decisions to be made must be made by you.
Dear Amy: I was having dinner with 10 people at a restaurant the other night.
Right after the entree was finished and plates removed the person sitting directly across from me (an adult) promptly pulled out a tube of dental floss and ever so discreetly tore off a piece of floss.
Looking downward and covering her mouth, she proceeded to floss her teeth at the table. I looked the other way as I found this really offensive. I did not say anything. The next day I mentioned this to my husband, and he told me I was just too picky.
Have I missed something? Is this acceptable these days? — Distracted Diner
Dear Diner: You aren’t missing anything. Though it is good practice not to neglect one’s gums, flossing at the table (however discreetly) is still considered rude.
Dear Amy: Kudos for your response to Mr. “I Know I’m Right!”
His arrogant diatribe in which he “whined” about not being served the “fine wine” he brought as a gift to a dinner party made me leap off my chair in a fit of rage.
It’s difficult to imagine that any appropriate words would make that guy gain some humility!
I hope your response has him cowering in a corner eating “humble pie.” — A Former Apple Wine Drinker
Dear Drinker: I really roughed up “I Know I’m Right.” Sadly, I’ll admit that I enjoyed it. Many readers did too.
Send questions via e-mail to askamy@tribune.com or by mail to Ask Amy, Chicago Tribune, TT500, 435 N. Michigan Ave., Chicago, IL 60611.
