Dear Amy: More than seven months have passed since my boyfriend of almost a year and I broke up. Since that time, he has dated two other women. He has been with his current girlfriend for several months. I’m also seeing someone.
I understand a certain amount of trash talking occurs after a break-up, but I feel he’s been inappropriate.
I’ve left him alone and have refrained from airing what I disliked about our relationship. But he has talked to my boyfriend about why he should not date me and bashed me on his Facebook page.
This includes calling me a “constant embarrassment,” mentioning a much-regretted trip to the hospital because of an alcohol overdose. He is publicly exaggerating events from my past.
I sent him a cordial message expressing how this post has hurt my feelings, and he hasn’t responded or taken action. What should I do? — Facebooked
Dear Facebooked: I shared your query with Nicky Colaco, a representative of Facebook, who noted that Facebook’s terms of service specify that users should not post offensive or malicious content.
“The goal of these policies is to strike a very delicate balance between giving people the freedom to express their opinions and viewpoints — even those that may be controversial to some — and respecting the rights and feelings of others,” Colaco wrote.
“We encourage people to let us know when they see something they think might violate our standards. Our team of investigators reviews and takes action on reported content according to our policies.”
Your boyfriend’s postings are malicious, in my view, because the intent is to disparage you. You can report this by clicking the “Report” button on the Facebook page. Otherwise you shouldn’t publicly comment on or have any contact with him. His actions constitute an obvious statement about the kind of person he is.
Dear Amy: I just returned from a regular lunch spot in town. It is a nice, casual and comfortable place that seats maybe 60 people.
When I arrived, I was seated two tables away from a woman who had doused herself in strong perfume.
I moved three tables away and it was no better. Finally I spotted an opening four tables from her and took it. I choked down my lunch and left — sick from her smell.
Should restaurant owners address this issue? Is it ever appropriate for a patron to approach the offender? — Distressed Diner
Dear Distressed: The restaurant’s job is to try to make all of the diners comfortable, and the establishment did this by letting you hopscotch from table to table. But when you are navigating in the world, you will encounter people who impede your enjoyment.
If your fellow diner asked you why you were choking — or changing your table — you could have said, “I seem to be allergic to your perfume.” Otherwise, no, it is not appropriate to approach another patron and say, “Your scent makes me sick.”
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