Dear Margo: My daughter, 22, refuses to go out with men. Why? It seems that girls of her generation have created a situation where the young man summons the young woman to his apartment to “hook up.” That’s the date: no phone call, just a text message. Then, after the event, the girl wonders why he doesn’t call. In addition, the young lady is expected to wax her privates and carry baby wipes in her purse so she can be fresh and ready for anything. This is because men like “young” girls.
If you recall our college days, gentlemen called you no later than Wednesday for a Saturday night date. They wined and dined you and walked you to the door for a goodnight kiss, if they were lucky. Sex came later, when the woman felt she was in a committed relationship. Young women today should all unite, stop waxing and “take back the night.” — Sally
Dear Sal: You and I wouldn’t have gone for the routine that you say is today’s norm. I think our generation was lucky that sex meant something and “virtue” had value. The hook-up culture of today strikes me as bizarre, with its practitioners the losers.
I don’t think you’re asking a question so much as voicing a protest. Your views seem to coincide with your daughter’s — and I’m guessing she got hers from you. I hope you’ll make an effort not to be nervous on her behalf, because there are men who find the hooking-up culture shallow and demeaning. People are getting married all the time, and I seriously doubt all those romances began with a booty call. And guess what? Following is a letter from your daughter.
Sex and the City: Part II
Dear Margo: My mother wrote you in regard to me and men. I know she’s concerned that I don’t date, and I want to give you my perspective. I knew about sex at a young age and felt comfortable being open with her. I chose not to lose my virginity in high school; my mother always told me not to settle. I went to college, and a voice in my head told me to wait. I was not interested in one-night stands in a fraternity house. I was mysterious, an enigma.
The “virgin thing” went from enigma to stigma in the real world. I’ve been working for a year, and I’m 22 and still a virgin. My confidence makes me attractive to men, and I have a head-turning Kim Kardashian figure. Desirable men flirt with me, but I know they are only after one thing. I am mature for my age, which comes off as sexually experienced. Men don’t ask me on dates; they just invite me to their humble abodes. I feel disinclined to accept any of these offers because of my “secret.” All I really want is for someone to see me for me. — Virgin Whore
Dear Virg: I believe your mother understands where you are coming from and, in fact, agrees with you. Her concern is that you will never find Mr. Right if you refuse to go on dates. I think you are shortchanging the appeal of not being easy. Sexual America may be on a faster track than before, but there are still men with standards. My recommendation would be for you to accept what you imagine to be invitations to hook up and then treat them as dates — you know, with things like “conversation.” If the guy is disappointed, well … he might also be intrigued. You will at least have given him a chance.
Do not buy into the “stigma” business. Somewhere there’s a man who doesn’t think much of hooking up and is looking for a girl like you, and the only way you will find him is by accepting dates. I have been around a long time and know that when the chemistry is right, you can pretty much have things your way. — Margo, determinedly
Dear Margo is written by Margo Howard, Ann Landers’ daughter. All letters must be sent via e-mail to dearmargo@creators.com. Due to a high volume of e-mail, not all letters will be answered.
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