Dear Amy: My wife and I were looking through our daughter’s closet for sporting equipment when we found bottles of liquor. She is 16. We have had conversations with her about alcohol and have made it clear we do not approve of underage drinking.
She violated our trust and broke the law by drinking and buying liquor. Because of this, we have grounded her for this weekend.
This will be difficult (if not impossible) to enforce, as she has told us she will go through with her social plans anyway. Words alone won’t deter a determined teenager, and we are not willing to go any further than that.
We also notified the parents of a couple of her close friends of our discovery because they spend a lot of time in our house. We did not accuse the friends of drinking.
Our reasoning was that the other parents trust us with their kids’ safety and well-being, and we would expect them to tell us of any illegal behavior in their houses if the tables were turned. The parents thanked us for letting them know.
This infuriated our daughter, who felt we were punishing her friends unnecessarily.
Was notifying her friends’ parents the right thing to do? We love our daughter very much and want her to make better choices. — Weary
Dear Weary: You did the right thing to notify other parents of this violation.
Your statement that “words alone won’t deter a determined teenager” might be true in the short term, but I disagree with your choice to basically throw up your hands if your daughter chooses to violate your “grounding.” She needs to learn that she cannot simply dodge consequences by ignoring them.
If she flounces out of the house, she should return to the sight of both of her parents sitting at the kitchen table — calm, resolute and ready to talk and listen.
After that, you will have to come up with yet another consequence, by removing things from her life that she will miss: her phone, wheels and your trust, for instance.
Dear Amy: I’ve been divorced for six years and would really like to meet someone for a relationship. Do you have any suggestions on how an educated, attractive woman in her mid-50s — who is financially sound, has a job and is fun and outgoing — can meet a guy?
I tried online dating, but the guys I was interested in were not interested in me and vice versa. My church does not have a singles group.
I’ve tried singles groups in the area, but it’s usually women who attend the events and very few guys. I’ve asked my gal pals if they know of anyone, but they don’t. I belong to a gym, but I live in the suburbs and it’s “couplesville.” — Looking
Dear Looking: It’s a numbers game and you fall into a tricky demographic; that’s why you should keep doing what you’re doing — and also live your own life, regardless of your singlehood.
Follow your interests and take up new ones. Attend live events, travel and go to mixers. Develop friendships with women. Don’t give up on getting love, but concentrate, too, on getting a life.
Write to askamy@tribune.com or by mail to Ask Amy, Chicago Tribune, TT500, 435 N. Michigan Ave., Chicago, IL 60611.
