Dear Amy: Three years ago when I started dating my husband, I asked him about kids and he said, “I could never have kids.”
At the time having kids was not a priority for me, so I brushed it aside.
The problem is that once we got married (five months ago), I realized that having a child is a big priority for me and that I was running out of time.
I knew it was wrong, but I would accidentally-on-purpose skip days of my birth control, eventually ceasing to take the pills at all. I knew that if we had a child, my husband would grow to love it.
The problem was that, after months of this, I never conceived. A few weeks ago, I finally decided to broach the topic again with my husband.
I discovered that he had a vasectomy a year before we met!
He swears that he has mentioned it before, but I know he hasn’t. I feel sick knowing that he kept something like this from me. I also feel trapped in my marriage knowing that it will always be just the two of us.
Should I get out while I can and find a husband who wants a child, or will I outgrow this need? — Desperately Seeking a Child
Dear Seeking: When your husband stated “I could never have kids,” it sounds like he seems to think this is the same thing as saying, “I had a vasectomy.”
It is not.
If he had told you outright that he’d had a vasectomy, this is not the sort of statement you would likely forget; his assertion that he disclosed this doesn’t ring true.
So far your marriage is built on the flimsiest foundation, with both of you behaving dishonestly about a matter that will dictate the course of the rest of your lives.
You will not likely “outgrow” your desire to have children — in fact, this impulse could grow stronger.
You two desperately need to strip away the obfuscation and start telling the truth. Unvarnish it. Why did he have a vasectomy in the first place? Is he willing to have children now? Would he be willing to have his vasectomy reversed or adopt a child with you? Give yourself a reasonable timeline.
Total honesty and clarity about this will help both of you make a decision about the future of your marriage.
Dear Amy: I’m really close friends with a girl at school. I recently told her I have a huge crush on her. I’ve had these feelings toward her for almost a year now.
When I told her I liked her, she said she was flattered but said nothing else.
How do I let her know I want to be with her? — Confused Teen
Dear Teen: You already told your friend you have a “huge crush” on her .
When she said she was flattered, she was basically stating that she values your friendship and is flattered that you feel romantic toward her — but she doesn’t feel that way about you (or she’s unsure).
If she is romantically interested in you, her actions will reveal it.
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