Dear Amy: My office consists of myself and five co-workers. We celebrate everyone’s birthday with a lunch at their favorite restaurant
and gifts for the birthday person. Our bosses are generous. They not only pay for lunch but also include a gift.
The birthday person opens each gift at the table (it is most often a gift card) and thanks that person directly.
Is it still necessary to thank the gift giver again in a written note? This seems redundant. — Quite Gifted
Dear Gifted: It is not necessary to follow up with a note or e-mail if you have thanked the giver in person — but it is thoughtful to do so, and many people appreciate it.
If others in your office thank people by note, then it would seem rude for you not to.
There are a variety of no-cost and fun little animated e-cards available online. Unless your company has a policy against it, you might thank your generous co-workers by e-mailing them a fun little time waster.
Thank your boss by note, however. This extra generosity should be formally acknowledged.
Dear Amy: My husband visits his kids every other Saturday and will spend time at his ex’s apartment (the kids live with his ex-wife).
If they go out to eat, she will go with them and he doesn’t seem to mind. I have told him numerous times that I don’t like it, but he still continues.
His excuse is that the kids expect her to go with them and he doesn’t want to cause conflict.
What is your opinion on this one? — Frustrated
Dear Frustrated: Depending on the ages of the children, having both parents spending time with them together could be a very good thing.
One hazard and challenge of being an every-other-weekend parent (especially when you are visiting on the other parent’s turf) is that it is hard to find things to do together aside from the routine of movies, mall visits, trips to the park and lunch with Mom.
Some of these routines become rituals and they are sources of fun and comfort — but it will be important for this dad to build up his own rituals and experiences with the kids.
You and your husband should behave in a way that is best for the children.
If this divorce is fairly new and the children need or enjoy these co-parenting lunches, then they should continue, with the goal being to develop some new routines over time.
Ideally, you will also be involved on some level — developing friendships with the children and becoming part of the mix.
Dear Amy: “Hurt” reported that her boyfriend cheated on her and that after they broke up she hacked into his e-mail and found evidence of his cheating.
You encouraged her to forward these e-mails to the ex-boyfriend and to tell him to “change his password.”
Depending on where she lives, her actions could be construed as a crime.
I am a criminal defense lawyer, and have represented the “jilted ex” who accessed e-mails to prove infidelity. He was charged with computer trespass and identity theft. — Defense Attorney in Seattle
Dear Attorney: I realize that the best answer would have been to tell her — and anyone else considering accessing someone else’s e-mail account — not to do it in the first place. Thank you.
Write to askamy@tribune.com or Ask Amy, Chicago Tribune, TT500, 435 N. Michigan Ave., Chicago, IL 60611.
