“Facebooking” and “YouTubing” are no longer just a “cute” thing kids do for fun to pass the time. Not understanding the risks associated with the many social media outlets poses a huge potential problem to the safety and well-being of our children.
To keep them safe, online activity is something that needs to be monitored closely. To fully understand the potential dangers, we, as parents/teachers/child advocates need to educate ourselves and then stay aware of what our children are doing online.
I read the headlines daily and see one sad story after another about a child who was not supervised by engaged parents or children whose parents were not aware of their child’s virtual world. Cyberbullying, or the use of the Internet, social media and high-tech devices to harass and intimidate, and youth depression due to feeling isolated and friendless, is real. Families who lose a child this way find it is too late to become involved or ask the questions.
Telling yourself that your child would never be involved in dangerous activities online is denial on a parent’s part. Anyone who has parented a teen understands being proactive is wiser than trying to scramble when bad things happen.
So it is time to educate or re-educate parents about the reasons they need to be engaged in their kids’ Internet activity.
Whether it’s browsing websites like YouTube, downloading music files, using social media sites, or playing Internet-connected games, every online activity poses a potential danger that parents should be aware of.
Before the Internet was so accessible to all children, kids could come home and we, as parents, could ask them how their day was, who they hung out with or had lunch with, or how their activities went after school.
Judging by the child’s response, we could get a fairly good idea of the events and interactions of their day. By just looking at their face or surveying their reactions to our questions, we can often understand how their day actually was.
But today’s children face a very different world. They have an online world with real people, real events and real drama — one that can easily be hidden from parental view and protection.
So here’s a quick quiz to help parents navigate conversations about their kids’ online lives. Parents, do you know:
• If your child has a Facebook, Twitter, YouTube, or Tumblr account?
• How they use each social networking site they have?
• How many Facebook “friends” they have and whether they personally know all of those people?
• If they have more than one Facebook page?
• ALL of their friends and connections on each social networking site? Do they know?
• How much time your child spends online in general?
• What your child does on YouTube?
• If the video games they play connect to the Internet?
Each of these questions reflects regular, daily online activity for most kids.
By using these social media and search vehicles and playing video games online, they can be whoever they want, talk to anyone they want, or research anything they want. And until we communicate with them about the happenings in that digital world, we are missing out on what’s going on in their entire world.
This is a place where predators are present, cyberbullying is increasing, and defaming the reputations of others happens rampantly. Parents must be vigilant.
Mary Jo Rapini, MEd, LPC, is a licensed psychotherapist and co-author of “Start Talking: A Girl’s Guide for You and Your Mom About Health, Sex or Whatever” ( ). Read more about the book at
and more about Rapini at
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Parenting your child online
Author and parenting expert Mary Jo Rapini suggests a two-pronged approach for parents who want to be more proactive about protecting their children online.
First step: Daily communication of what happened online. Questions might include:
“Where did you spend your time online today — IMing, Facebook, games, surfing, etc?”
“Did you make any new Facebook friends?”
“Have you noticed anyone having trouble online? I read a lot about cyber-bullying.”
“Did you play any new online games today?”
“Would you mind showing that (text, post or whatever it may be) to me?”
Also, talk with kids about what you consider proper posting etiquette on Facebook.
Make sure they understand the your rules for having a cell phone or smart phone, and the consequences for breaking those rules. (Remember, a child’s phone is a privilege, not a necessity).
Don’t be afraid to check their phones for inappropriate photos or texts. and
Second step: Restricting Internet use to a public space such as the kitchen or family room, and only allow kids on the computer when you are home.
Managing your computer’s settings for password control.
Consider adding software-based controls to your computer.
Ensure that privacy settings on all Internet-based accounts are set to your standards. This includes sites like Facebook, but also YouTube and online photo sites like Snapfish or Instagram.
Add software alerts that monitor your children’s activity on sites like Facebook, Twitter and YouTube.
Make sure the same systems in place to protect kids while they’re using your computer also apply to smart phones.
