Pedestrians cross Asbury Avenue at the University of Denver, Wednesday morning, November 12, 2014. (Photo by Andy Cross, The Denver Post)
This morning I trudged out in the to the bus stop wearing the green winter coat my mom bought me in high school for days just like this. I waited for the bus. And I waited, and I waited. I didn’t miss the bus, it simply did not come. (Sorry , you’re good, it just wasn’t your day.)
So I was left to stand out in the cold and the snow for close to fifty minutes while I waited for the next bus. And as the cold seeped in under my jacket and up through the soles of my boots, I contemplated it.
I noted to my friends on Facebook page that it was “Teeth hurt cold, not lung stab cold.”
I grew up in Wisconsin and spent many hours of my suburban youth waiting for the school bus in sub-freezing temperatures. Over the years – I went to school at so I am not joking when I say I had many years to hone my senses – I developed a personal temperature gauge for when it was really cold out.
The major markers on my personal cold-o-meter are:
Teeth Hurt Cold: When you step outside and open your mouth the cold hurts your teeth. That’s pretty cold, and it rarely occurs unless the temperatures drop into the teens.
Frozen Nose Hair Cold: This is a step colder than Teeth Hurt Cold in that, when you take a breath your nose hairs bristle and stiffen as they pathetically attempt to shield your lungs from the shock of the bitter-cold, yet life-sustaining air. Despite the single-digit temps, it was not that cold this morning.
Lung Stab Cold: This is the coldest of the cold. Lung Stab cold happens when upon your first step outside your lungs cry out with their first breath “The cold is stabbing me!” I know I have felt this cold in Denver before, but not over the last few years.
In reply, several friends reported their own gauge of today’s cold:
- Eyeball-freezing cold (Not to be confused with “Eyeball-popping out cold.” As a kid I swore this really happened, at least once, to a guy in Alaska. Probably.)
- Cheeks Hurt Cold (reported in Portland)
- Frozen Snot Bubble Cold (Contributed by my wacky uncle in Mississippi)
- Not Snot Freezing Cold (Contributed by a friend in Los Angeles, which might be pretty cold for them.)
- Metal Zipper Feels Uncomfortable Against My Boxer Shorts Cold
With tonight’s temperatures , maybe I will step outside in an attempt to experience the painful, rare-to-Denver (and somewhat exhilarating) Lung Stab Cold.
With all of that said, I stand by my original observation that today is Teeth Hurt Cold.
How would you rate today’s cold in Denver?
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