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Dear J.T. & DALE: My boss is tacky. She wears outrageous clothes, too much makeup and talks trash. It’s like she’s trying hard to be cool, but she isn’t. I know I shouldn’t care, but I find it beneath me to work for someone like this. I would like her job, but she’s been at the company for years, and the owner loves her. What should I do?
– Opal

J.T.: Hmmm. I find it interesting that you don’t respect your boss because of how she dresses and acts; nowhere in your explanation do you say she isn’t a capable leader. When evaluating managers, I’d put aside the external and answer these:

– Is she fair?
– Is she a good mentor and coach?
– Does she stick up for her staff?
– Does she set clear goals and celebrate successes?
– Are you encouraged to feel that your work matters?

These are the things I want you to judge her on. Who cares what she wears and how she talks? It’s how she delivers on her job that counts.

DALE: Well said, although I’d go a bit further: You’ve got to let go of your birdbrain focus on appearances, Opal. It’s just pointless. OK, I admit it’s understandable, given our shallow, image-oriented culture, but that just makes it all the more mindless to give in to it. Ask yourself: What does an effective leader look like? I’ve met hundreds of them, and I can’t answer that question. Picture Bill Gates – the early-model Bill Gates, before he got married and started looking less geeky. Think about what might have happened if you’d gotten on with him in the early days of Microsoft. Would you have hated working for such a nerd? Maybe you’d have quit, at which point you’d have lost your chance to be one of the many Microsoft Millionaires. My point is that I’d urge you to treat this boss of yours as a chance to go deeper, to be deeper, see beyond appearances and embrace her as an ally, if not a style coach.

Dear J.T. & Dale: After seven years with my current employer, I received a notice of termination, effective two weeks out. I managed to get an interview for a new job within a week. I told my boss I would be going to the interview during my lunch hour and might be a bit late getting back, but would make up the time. She said that the company does not give time off for interviews and that if I went, it would affect my record. I canceled my interview and fear I will get bad references. – Rod

DALE: You think you’ve heard every cheap trick a manager can pull, and then along comes a new one. My reaction is: This boss has done you a favor by letting you go and by being so inconsiderate about interviewing.

J.T.: Yes, I’m surprised the company is so inflexible. You’d think it would like to see you find new employment after being a loyal employee for so long. As for the bad references, it would seem that by terminating you, positive references were unlikely. Has your manager explained to you why you’re being let go? I think it’s important that you get to the bottom of it right away. Going forward, new employers are sure to ask about your leaving, and likely will call your old employer. You want to be certain that your explanation matches what the company says about your departure. Try to have a polite conversation with your manager and find out what will be said about you.

DALE: Let’s hope they agree to say nothing, just verify dates of employment. However, if they insist on the dreaded “not eligible for rehire” or worse, this is where the idiotic response to your wanting to do a lunch interview will be a boon to you: Tell that story to hiring managers, and your old boss will lose all credibility. Then, make sure you have someone – a former colleague or an old boss – who will vouch for you, and in no time you’ll have new and better management.

– Workplace consultant and career coach J.T. O’Donnell has coached, trained and mentored employees and managers on a wide variety of career-related subjects since 1994. Her book, “CAREEREALISM: The Smart Approach to A Satisfying Career” is available at JTODonnell.com. Management guru Dale Dauten has written six books and is an authority on innovation in the workplace. His latest book, “Great Employees Only: How Gifted Bossess Hire & Dehire Their Way to Success” is available at Dauten.com. copyright 2013 King Features.