Riff Raff will Skype your mom for a measely $1,250. (Photo by Seth McConnell/The Denver Post)
Christmas is three days away and you still haven’t gotten your brother/sister/mom/dad/girlfriend/boyfriend anything?
Well, that’s just great. And let me guess: you want us to bail you out? Not this time, bub. You do this every year, thinking of the perfect gift months in advance, and then inevitably let time slip through your hands like so many greased fishes. I hope you know a certified hoverboard dealer, because not even Amazon can bail you out this late in the game.
But, you’ve always been a sincere well-wisher. And I guess we never did pay you back for that club sandwich you sent to the office last month. You know what? We’ll do it. Here are five really, really last minute gift ideas. But we’re even now, okay?
1. Write a song
If you’ve set a high bar for yourself (or would like to for the rest of your gift-giving life), there are few last-minute gifts with the potential of a personalized song. If you’ve got a semi-modern computer, you probably already have user-friendly production software and a microphone.
Some tips:
1. Don’t get too ambitious. One decent song is better than four half-assed ones.
2. If you can’t sing, consider quantizing (AKA auto-tuning) your vocals if you feel like you might completely embarrass yourself.
3. If you’re taking it seriously, don’t be afraid to take inspiration from your favorite artists. “Borrowing” is probably how they became your favorite artists in the first place.
2. Vinyl Me, Please subscription
As long as your loved one isn’t glaring at your empty hands on Christmas morning, it’s never too late for a subscription-based gift. For about $25 a month, Boulder-based Vinyl Me, Please will deliver a carefully selected record to the doorstep of your choice. It’s a fun idea for the newly minted record lover in your life, provided they have a taste in music as boundless as the company does — this year saw records from bands as unrelated as Black Sabbath, J Dilla and Father John Misty. Just be sure to give them on the big morning and you’re golden.
For more info, check out Vinyl Me, Please’s .
3. Shoebox Harp
It’s late on Christmas Eve and you’re flat broke. All you’ve got is a closet full of shoeboxes, some rubber bands, a pencil and some scissors. Well, you can make a harp. It will be a sucky harp, and probably won’t last any longer than most New Year’s resolutions. But it’s (arguably) better than nothing. You can only use this once per group of loved ones, so make it count — and ideally, have something incredible lined up next year to make up for it, slacker.
Watch the crappy instructional video below.
4. Vinyl record bowl
Here’s one for mom. Go to the record store, find the bargain bin, and seek out the most scratched and obscure album you can find. It should be no more than a dollar. Take it home, pop it on a cookie sheet, set the oven and get ready to get crafty. (Please, don’t do this with a record someone might actually enjoy. Might we suggest a third-hand copy of )
For directions, check out the Instructable .
5. Riff Raff Skype’s your grandparents/parents
It turns out your grandparents/parents are huge Riff Raff fans. What are the odds of that? Probably about the same as getting the same shuffle in two decks of cards (just , that’s one in 8,065,817,517,094,387,857,166,063,685,640,376,697,528,950,544,088,327,782,400,000,000,000).
Worry not: Riff Raff’s merch team has prepared for this contingency. On his website, Riff Raff will Skype with your parents or grandparents (and only them, apparently) for the paltry fee of . Other “experiences” include a Riff-designed tattoo (), an appearance at family supper () and the singular experience of having the man hang out at your bachelor party (). We’re starting to think there’s .
