#squadgoals.
Let’s face it: Concerts are way, way better when you’re in one of the #coolestrows.
We’ve all shown up an hour late to see Death Cab for Cutie and tried not to think about what our lives would have been like had we only gotten there in time to be in row seven, five or, oh my god! Three.
As we do every month, we polled our staff to see what rows are the absolute best ones to see a concert from. Careful down there! These answers might totally shock you.
10. Row ten
Let’s start with a classic. Row ten affords a beautiful view of the stage and everything on it. If you get bored of the concert, don’t worry: From here, you’ve got a great view of the nine rows between you and the stage, and dozens behind you. You can’t lose!
9. Row nine
Now we’re talking. Row nine, also known as “Ray Ban Alley,” is one of the cooler rows you can wind up in at a concert. If it’s your first time, just relax. This is a safe place — if you’re hep to the groove, that is. If you can’t hang, keep walkin’! Dig?
8. Row eight
Controversial? Yep. Essential? You bet. Dropped phones, spilled drinks, botched — row eight has a long history of serious disaster. Rumor has it the title of Quentin Tarintino’s latest film was originally “I’m Hateful Of The Eighth Row,” but he changed it at the last second because it didn’t make sense. All that said, most of the horror stories you hear about row eight were designed to scare you away. Don’t be fooled — this is prime real estate for any show, Puddle of Mudd or otherwise.
7. Row seven
During that scene in every historical drama where a decree is being made to the townspeople, the main character always ends up fighting his way no further than the seventh row. Its reputation precedes it, and for very good reason. Just ask Hugh Jackman in “Les Miserables,” or Arya Stark in the first installment of medieval documentary “Game of Thrones.”
6. Row six
“Row six…yes, I remember it well,” the old man coughed. “Your grandmother and I used to lay in that row for hours, passing around cans of Red Bull Orange, singing Disturbed’s version of “Sound of Silence” to each other while waiting for NEEDTOBREATHE to take the stage. In some ways, you wouldn’t be here if not for row six.”
“Sir,” the man replied, “this lunch bot is out of order, and we’re closed.” He ushered the man outside, and turned off the lights. He flipped the calendar over on his way out: April 1, 2065.
5. Row five
In row five, perfect acoustic symmetry meets tasteful lighting in a way you only thought possible in German speaker commercials. The veritable equator of rows, row five stays balmy year-round and is home to a unique ecosystem of flora and fauna. If you go, Be sure to check with your doctor about receiving the proper inoculations and blood letting two weeks before your scheduled show. You’ll thank us!
4. Row four
SPONSORED CONTENT: Listen, I don’t know about you, but when it comes to row four, me and my fellow millennials are always down to clown. “Two tickets to row four, please!” is something you’ll hear me say while on the phone with my bae, AXS, on a regular basis. That is, if you’re cool enough to hang out with me and my “squad.” So what are you waiting for, bozo? Let’s buy some tickets in row four today!
3. Row three
Go suck a lemon, rows four through ten. You know what you did.
2. Row two
Ears, peanuts, mid-life crises — good things come in twos. But there’s only one row two, and man, it doesn’t get much better than this. Imagine the second best hug you’ve ever had, or the second best club sandwich you’ve ever tasted, and you’ll know exactly what we’re talking about. C’est (almost) la vie!
1. Row one
Uh, yeah. The votes are in, and they practically unanimous. Don’t let that $500 VIP fee scare you off: Row one is the best row to sit in at a concert. Not only will you be able to talk throughout the show without anyone turning around and rudely giving you the what-for, but without people’s dumb heads in the way, your Snapchats of the show will look ab-so-lute-ly per-fect. Make sure and send us one while you’re up there, you lucky so-and-so!
