Dear Eric: A friend of mine whom I’ve known for more than 30 years has asked me to be the executor of her small estate. I agreed to do so. To make that task less difficult for me, I’ve asked her to create a list of those she wants me to contact upon her death and to settle some financial loose ends. I have offered to help her do both and I have given her a list of resources in the community. She will not do these things for whatever reason. I want to support her, but I am feeling frustrated. I’m thinking of no longer being her executor. She does have a secondary person in mind. Does a friend withdraw from being an executor?
— Frustrated Executor
Dear Executor: You can withdraw and itap better to do it now, so that she has time to find and set up a new executor. You can explain that you want to help her but that you don’t feel comfortable or prepared to do so without her providing the things you asked for. This may be enough motivation for her to complete the tasks. But there’s no guarantee. Either way, if you don’t think that itap a good fit anymore, itap better for your friendship now and for her estate in the future that you step away.
Dear Eric: In the letter signed “Concerned Daughter,” a daughter described the heartache and frustration she feels in regard to her 87-year-old mom’s refusal to consider her own mortality.
As an end-of-life doula, I know this can be so painful. Doulas can be a practical and meaningful resource for the daughter, and perhaps her mom.
Trained end-of-life doulas provide the opportunity to speak openly and frankly about dying; explore what the dying person and family most need; support the spiritual practices of all involved; discuss end-of-life care appropriate for the individual. Searching for trained end-of-life doulas is just an online search away and can make all the difference.
— Peaceful End
Dear Peace: Thank you so much for sharing information about your profession. Many readers may not be aware of the services that end-of-life doulas can provide. But I think the benefit is immeasurable. Folks can read more about end-of-life doula training and practices, and search a directory, on the National End-of-Life Doula Alliance website ( nedalliance.org ).
Dear Eric: My clothes in the washing machine were ready to be put into the dryer. So, I did that without first looking in the dryer.
Well, my partner of 26 years and procrastinator-in-chief came stomping into the room, and she asked me if I had put my wet clothes in with her dry clothes. Her clothes had been ready to be removed for about four hours.
So, we had to pull out all the clothes and separate them. She was mad.
Was it my mistake for not first looking in the dryer, or hers for waiting and waiting?
— She Normally Says I’m Helpful
Dear Helpful: This is a situation where everyone is a little bit in the wrong and yet nothing terrible came of it. Oh, would that every relationship conflict was as solvable as this.
Yes, you probably should’ve looked first and yes, she should have taken the clothes out in a timely manner. The thing about making dry clothes wet again while they’re sitting in the dryer is that they’re already exactly where they need to be to fix the issue.
It seems, from the language you used, that there’s a small amount of tension in your relationship around household chores. Perhaps at a calm moment, you two can check in about expectations and anything thatap gone unsaid. This isn’t meant to create an issue where there isn’t one. Quite the opposite actually: if you talk about the little things, they’re less likely to become big things.
Dear Eric: One of my biggest bullies from high school recently moved back to our hometown. He reached out to me because he “wanted to catch up.” I was wary but I agreed to a drink. Eric, it was terrible. He talked only about himself and his accomplishments. When I brought up his treatment in high school, he said I was always too sensitive.
Now, he wants to hang out again. He says he doesn’t know anyone in town anymore. I think he also wants to use my connections to help him advance professionally. How long am I obligated to put up with this?
— Bullied
Dear Bullied: I’m checking my watch and, lo and behold, the time for this interaction is up. If he won’t take accountability for his bad behavior in the past and is compounding it with less-than-friendly behavior in the present, you don’t have to put up with more. Put the kibosh on future hang outs.
(Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at eric@askingeric.com or P.O. Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him on and sign up for his weekly newsletter at .)
