Dear Eric: I am finding myself more and more fearful of AI. I have family and friends who casually upload their personal images to be AI-altered. Thatap their prerogative so I never have talked about my AI aversion.
Recently though, a few family members uploaded group photos including me to generate lighthearted/silly AI images. This bothered me a lot, to the point I said something to one of the family members who did it. I said that while I know they had no bad intentions and the image was lighthearted and fun, it made me really uncomfortable, and I don’t want my image or images of my family to be uploaded to AI. I felt like a total jerk saying anything at all.
Now I worry that other images I share/have shared are subject to this kind of frivolity by literally anyone in my friend and family circle, especially when it comes to my children.
I’m not on social media; I’ve been off every social media outlet for more than six years. It all scares me, and honestly, I thought everyone knew this about me. I just hear and have read stories of AI using images for deep fake, art, pornography and gathering personal data from images (things like location tags).
Is there a good way to set a boundary like this when you don’t have a social media account to have a tag line that explicitly states it? Or a respectful way to tell friends and family that doesn’t make me sound like I’m from the Stone Age sitting in my cave judging them and their life choices?
— Millennial Neanderthal
Dear Millennial: Because AI is new and we, unfortunately, don’t have common practices around it, it will put your mind at ease to have proactive FYI conversations with family and friends about your image and those of your children. If you wanted to put it out all at once, you might include a line in a holiday letter or something like that. But you can also just bring it up in casual conversation. “I’ve been thinking a lot about AI. I know itap fascinating to a lot of people, but I really don’t want my image or that of my family ever uploaded. I’m just letting everybody know.”
If you don’t want to go through your whole Rolodex (and I don’t recommend you do), you may have to accept that this isn’t happening every day to you and so the risk of letting it come up versus sending out a mass bulletin is relatively low.
Dear Eric: After reading what Coco Chanel said about perfume, my wife uses just too much. I can’t induce her to use less. Any suggestions?
— Too Much of a Good Thing
Dear Too Much: It depends on whether this is a matter of personal taste — yours clashing with hers — or if the smell is bothering you. If itap the former, you may need to live and let live. If itap the latter, communicate that in a way that focuses on your experience rather than what she’s doing “wrong.” For instance, you might say, “the intensity of the perfume irritates my sinuses, would you mind only wearing so much if we’re going to be out of the house?” You’d need to tailor the request to your particular issue with the perfume, however.
Aromas bother a lot of people; you’re not alone in that. For some its allergies or other upper respiratory issues; for others too much of an aroma causes a headache or worse. Think about how the perfume is bothering you and ask her to help you come up with a compromise that makes you both happy.
Dear Eric: I read the trials of “Sick and Worried Mom” regarding talking to her daughters and her employer about the support she needs to manage her current healthcare. Regarding her work you rightly recommended that she speak with HR.
Your other advice was for her to speak with an employment attorney if HR is not an option. That is good professional advice. But speaking with an attorney about this topic could be pricey for some basic advice. Any person employed with an organization that doesn’t have an HR professional has additional options, too.
1. Ask a family member or confidante to do the research for you. (She could do this herself easily, but no need to add another task.)
2. Find an HR consultant who can give some advice about how to begin. This is likely quicker than an attorney with more moderate pricing. You can find one online or through your local Society of Human Resources Professionals.
— More Resources
Dear Resources: Thank you for this follow-up. You’re right; there may be lower cost options available to the letter writer that won’t tax her valuable time.
(Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at eric@askingeric.com or P.O. Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him on and sign up for his weekly newsletter at .)
