Q: Hello Scott,
It is Lady Chatterly, but I am writing from home this
time. I must be the most pathetic case you have had
all year.
You know what you say about the buzz kill, it’s hard to get
it back when it’s gone!
Well, miracles do happen. But, I’m so fickle, it worries me.
I have decided against the relationship with my powerful
friend who is involved in politics. This occurred to
me suddenly a few weeks ago, when I realized I might be
interested in my associate at work.
One of my male co-workers/friends said
nothing is working out because I am not sleeping with
anyone.
He said the men require that. I say it is
too soon to sleep together unless there is a future.
I outgrew recreational sex a number of years ago.
But here is the latest twist: Last July I met my very
good friend Steve in NYC for what was to be our first
physical encounter. We were talking about a future
together. We got into a fight because he wanted to
live in Manhattan.
The rent was $6000 a month. I was
not willing to do that, because I want to live in a
place where I can afford the rent without a partner if
need be. So, we never did the wild monkey dance and I
didn’t call him, he didn’t call me … until today.
He wants to get back together and take it to the next
level. I stalled him, saying I was booked for the
next eight weeks, but he is OK with that.
We plan to meet in Florida in about two months. Indications are
though, that he may get on a plane and come here
before then.
I actually would be happy with one of three men. I am afraid to act more interested in one over the other, for fear of getting my heart broken.
I know who fits my life the best, and who I have the
most feelings for, but I don’t want to expose my soft
underbelly to anyone.
He has to do it first. I am getting tired of being an actress, Scott. I know I
have to be, as the men I am truly interested in are not
pushovers or needy. Neither am I really, but I am
tired of not settling in and moving in a new direction
with a partner.
I think this will probably solve itself by August, but for now I feel like an emotional
mess.
What exercise or coping skill do you recommend
to remain calm under this pressure?
Scott: Hi again, Lady. I was just thinking about you, I guess because I just read your e-mail.
I wouldn t say you are
the most pathetic case I had all year, but you do rank
up there as one of the more interesting. Lucky me!
Anyway, it s probably best you pulled back from
pursuing anything with the powerful politician. Good
move. There were too many things working against that
evolving into anything.
But now we have “Steve?”
Who the heck is that? I don t know that there s a huge
chance for success with him either. It sounds like
you ve tried before and you couldn t even get past
working out the living arrangements.
Now that s a good
sign!
Let s just get down to business here, Lady.
Just who is
the one you have the most feelings for out of these three
men you re involved with? You say you know, so now let
him know.
You say you re tired of being an actress, so
don t act anymore.
And, you can t worry about getting
your heart broken – that s just part of life.
You can
express yourself to a man without coming across pushy
or needy, but you have to take a chance on something
you say you want. You want a partner and you know with
which guy, so now make it happen.
Just remember to be fun to be around, and by this I don t mean act fun but
rather be fun. Let the positive side of your
personality come through, and have fun with him.
I
still don t know which guy we re talking about, but I
have a pretty good idea it s the coworker.
Regardless,
open up to him a little and you two will be well on
your way to doing the wild monkey dance together.