Q: Hello Scott,
I can’t believe I am writing you, but I just can’t help
myself (I love the guilty pleasure of reading your
column).
I really did it this time. To make a long
story short….
About three years ago, I fell in love
with somebody a lot younger and a lot more
professionally and financially challenged than me.
I should mention he has somewhat of a colorful past, and
I broke it off with my fiancée to be with him as well. My friends and family freaked out!
The relationship
is a constant source of pleasure and pain at the same
time.
We moved away together a year ago and I moved
back six months ago but I just couldn’t let him or the
relationship go completely (he stayed there and we have
talked on and off).
I got involved with someone else (a co-worker, no less) and really was enjoying his company. I could have seen myself with this
person… almost, but I still had strong feelings for
my “ex.”
Well, on somewhat of a whim, I decided to go
visit my ex and only tell a few people…so I lied to
everyone else.
Well, I’m sure you can imagine how
office romance gossip goes, and lies just make it so
much juicier, so you can imagine what that did to the
friends that I lied to and the co-worker I was dating.
He told me I’m the lowest form of scum on the Earth,
and the friends that I lied to told me I’m “sick” and
they think that I am the equivalent of a rodent.
I’ll
say this, everybody including the person I was dating
knew I wasn’t over my ex.
I know lying is WRONG, however, I did justify it in my head that I needed to
see if we were really “over” and only then I could I
really move on with someone else.
I see the damage I
did. I was only thinking of myself, but I guess I felt
it necessary to be finally free, because I have been a
fairly unhealthy, unhappy person for the past six
months.
First question, do you think you can love two people
at one time??
Do you think I am the blood sucking
b*&^ everyone else does? Do you think the people that
I hurt will ever get over this and be able to forgive
me??
Do you think I should try and talk to the person
I hurt, even though he told me not to?
Do you think I
will ever have any credibility here at work again?
I’m so upset, I feel as bad as they want me to, and I wish
I could rectify the situation.
Any suggestions??
Thanks Scott, oh and keep up the good work!
– CF
Scott: Hi CF, I could just answer “no,” “yes,” “yes,” “no”
and “no” to your questions, but you said you love
reading my column so I feel like I owe you a little
more than that. Here it goes .
You don t need me to tell you it was wrong of you to
lie to your boyfriend and cheat on him with your ex.
You also don t need me to tell you that if you wanted
a fling with your ex, the honorable thing to do would
have been to break it off with your boyfriend first,
but selfishly, you chose not to.
What you DO need me to tell you is to quit lying to
yourself and your friends.
Your friends are all pissed at you because they were the ones there for you to
help pick up the pieces when you got away from your ex
with the “colorful past.”
Then you got involved with
someone your friends approved of, and who was far
better for you. But when you suffered from a terrible
case of drama deficiency, you decided to lie to
everyone and take off to go cheat on your boyfriend,
causing everyone to hate you.
Well, that makes sense.
Of course, you can smooth things over with the friends
who love you the most, but just know that most people
are more judgmental than they d like to admit, so you
would be good to learn that lesson right this second.
It might also be good for you to update your resume
and start looking for a new job.