When Amy Tiemann became a mom several years ago, it took her a while to balance her role as a mom with her role as an individual.
“Motherhood virtually requires you to reinvent yourself, which is a challenge and a gift,” she says. “Getting your mojo back is not about reclaiming your old identity but rather discovering who you are now and who you can become.”
To help other mothers facing the same dilemma, Tiemann, who lives in Chapel Hill, N.C., wrote “Mojo Mom: Nurturing Your Self While Raising a Family” (Spark Press, $22.95).
Tiemann, a former science teacher with a doctorate in neuroscience from Stanford University, started writing the book two and half years ago, when her daughter entered preschool.
“There was a lot of creativity welling up in me, but I didn’t have time to sit down, think and write,” she says.
“Mojo Mom” is a practical guide, outlining how women can recapture their energy and power after becoming mothers, which can be exhausting.
Tiemann, 36, was finding it difficult to adjust to her new role.
“I didn’t see this coming,” she says. “I went from talking to 100 students a day and being an outgoing person to a month later being home with a baby by myself, feeling isolated.”
Tiemann worked hard to have a parallel relationship with her husband. Before the birth, they were professionals who worked roughly the same hours. Afterward, things changed.
“We’re headed off in different directions,” she says. “The loss of my professional identity was painful.
“I started to feel that typecasting of being just a mom,” she says, explaining it’s hard work but not the work that people want to hear about.
“It’s not the type of work you discuss at a cocktail party. I have an ambivalence about being just a mom.”
But Tiemann enjoys staying home and being mom as long as she continues to have a separate identity. “I’m trying to come up with a new concept that broadens our views about motherhood. Being a mother is an incredible job, but with all that we are accomplishing as mothers, there is still a part of us that we need to hold on to as people who are growing.”
Tiemann’s advice to mothers: “You really need to put yourself as a high priority. Even when my daughter was young, I was taking writing classes. I took an improv comedy class. I was on a tennis team.”
How? The author suggests that women help each other by trading off child-care services. “Too many women try to go it alone,” she says, “but it’s too big a job to do on your own.” Mothers needto feed their spirits as individuals.
“Every mom needs a creative outlet,” she says. “It’s the valve that lets out the steam.”
