Dear Amy: About two weeks ago I developed this crush on a girl I work with. We’ve worked together for two years, and she has always been affectionate. I always liked her and thought she had a great personality, but my feelings never went beyond that.
Now I can’t get her off my mind. When I’m not at work, all I can think about is what she’s doing. Being with my wife has become a bore, and I find myself looking forward to going to work to see my colleague. When I have conversations with her, I get nervous and feel like I’m 15 again (and I’m twice that age now).
I’ve been happily married for almost 10 years. I love my wife with all my heart and would never want to hurt her, but I just can’t get this girl off my mind. I’m hoping it’s just an infatuation that will fade, but in the meantime it’s excruciating. Is this normal? Please help!
– Crushed in Virginia
Dear Crushed: Not only is your experience “normal,” I would say it’s darned near universal. Having crushes on colleagues, health-care workers, that cute trainer at the health club or the bagger at the supermarket – all of this is normal.
What we do with our crushes is what separates the adults from the invertebrates.
Maybe you’ll get a haircut or join a health club. Maybe your crush will make you feel smarter or more attractive.
But don’t let your crush turn your wife into a bore; she did not bring this on. Preserve your home life and avoid the Corvette dealership.
Yes, it’s an infatuation, but unless you are careful, this workplace infatuation could worm its way into your home life. Take a deep breath, keep your distance from your colleague, and focus on your wife. This crush will make you want to re-evaluate and hopefully reinvigorate your marriage, and I hope you do. I hope for your family’s sake that you also choose to reinvigorate your marriage.
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Dear Amy: I am 35, with a wonderful husband and two great kids. I love my life. Growing up was a different story. My mother is a weekend alcoholic, and my father is in denial.
Two weeks ago my husband and I brought my mother to a family wedding. My father wasn’t feeling well and did not attend. My mother got unbelievably drunk at this wedding. She was not sitting at our table, so I did not monitor what she was drinking. I was humiliated. She couldn’t even speak.
On the ride home, I couldn’t hold my tongue. After decades of putting up with this, I finally told her that she embarrassed me. Her defense was that she doesn’t do it all the time. I told her she gets drunk every weekend, and you would think just this once, at a wedding, she wouldn’t. She didn’t respond, and we haven’t spoken since.
I am still very angry over the wedding and over having to grow up with a mother like that. What do I do now?
– Drunk and Disorderly
Dear Disorderly: You shouldn’t review the totality of the painful blows of a lifetime with your mother when she’s drunk and disorderly – she’s not likely to remember your litany of hurt. Save that conversation for when she’s sober.
Now that you’ve told the unvarnished truth, continue to be unfailingly truthful. Don’t wait for your mother to approach you. Be a grown-up and get her some help. I don’t know what a “weekend alcoholic” is, but I know what an alcoholic is, and your mother is one. Don’t hide behind her characterization of how benign her problem is. Find an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting and tell her you would like her to attend.
I often recommend Al-Anon (www.al-anon.alateen.org) to loved ones of addicts; you will learn from people in similar straits. You deserve to tell your story to people who will listen and understand. I hope you can get your father to attend too, but either way, go.
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Dear Amy: How can I stop my 6-year-old sister from hitting, punching and biting me? I’m 9. Sometimes when I’m playing with my friends and I don’t let her play, she pinches and hits my friends and me.
– Samantha
Dear Samantha: Look her in the eye and say, “Felicity, this is very babyish, and nobody likes it. Stop it right now.” Then ignore her. If it goes on, you say, “Mom-m-m-m!” and ask for some adult intervention.
E-mail askamy@tribune.com or write Ask Amy, Chicago Tribune, TT500, 435 N. Michigan Ave., Chicago, IL 60611.
