Earlier this summer, I was driving with my friend Letty on the north side of town when she pointed to the car in front of us and exclaimed, “Hey, that woman is a lesbian! Let’s pull up to her so I can check her out.”
Letty explained something I didn’t pick up on, being that I’m heterosexual – the driver had a tiny rainbow decal on the rear window of her car, which signals gay pride.
It made me think about all the subtle cues and clues that gays and lesbians have to use, especially in a conservative state like Colorado.
In San Francisco or New York, people don’t blink when they see T-shirts that exclaim: “I can’t even think straight.” Pink triangles are everywhere. It’s unnecessary to hold demonstrations in those cities chanting, “We’re here. We’re queer. Get used to it!”
In Manhattan, a likely response would be: So what? Shudup!
But here in Colorado, land of Marilyn Musgrave and the infamous Amendment 2, it’s understandable why even gays and lesbians who are out sometimes test those around them before they declare their sexual orientation.
Musgrave is the congresswoman who wants to amend the U.S. Constitution to outlaw gay marriage.
Amendment 2 was a voter initiative, passed in 1992, that made it illegal to have laws anywhere in the state protecting lesbians, gays and bisexuals from discrimination. (The Colorado Supreme Court and later the U.S. Supreme Court declared it unconstitutional.)
In May, a bill that would have added sexual orientation to a list of protections from workplace discrimination was vetoed by Gov. Bill Owens. He did, reluctantly, approve a bill that makes it a “hate crime” to attack gays – but only because it was part of an omnibus crime bill.
There aren’t enough protections for gays, because anti-gay rhetoric is rampant among many high-profile conservatives in the state, including Musgrave, Sen. Wayne Allard (who co-sponsored the anti-gay-marriage amendment) and Focus on the Family founder James Dobson.
No wonder many gays and lesbians in this state feel a need to conceal their sexual identity. Listening to the anti-gay rhetoric here – Dobson says he can “cure” gays – and it’s like you stepped back in time.
David Mejias, a photographer friend of mine who is gay, told me that when he’s in Los Angeles or Chicago he sees gay couples holding hands all the time. But “I’ve yet to see in the Denver area a gay couple holding hands. In Boulder, on Pearl Street, I saw it once.”
People don’t do it here because it’s too risky. It’s easier to hide than deal with bigoted people.
It partly explains why some gay organizations don’t have the term “gay” in their names.
In May, the Colorado Business Council held a Diversity in Business Expo along with the Denver Hispanic Chamber of Commerce, the Colorado Black Chamber of Commerce, the Asian Chamber of Commerce, the Rocky Mountain Indian Chamber of Commerce, the Colorado Women’s Chamber of Commerce and the Latina Chamber.
From the names you can tell which one is Asian and Latino, but which one is gay? The neutral- sounding Colorado Business Council.
Mark Renn, the president of the CBC, says it allows members to say they belong without having to come completely out.
“It allows them to decide how they want to handle it,” Renn told me.
It’s markedly different from the National Gay & Lesbian Chamber of Commerce.
In San Francisco, there is the Gay Softball League. But in Denver, there is the neutral-sounding Denver Area Softball League. It allows people to say they belong without anyone knowing it’s a gay league right off the bat.
Andy Bossleman, a communications consultant who is gay, told me he “selectively decides how out he’s going to be” with people in Colorado. It all depends on how open the person across from him seems.
This hiding and decoding takes a lot of work. Being yourself shouldn’t have to be.
Cindy Rodríguez’s column appears Tuesdays and Thursdays in Scene. Contact her at 303-820-1211 or crodriguez@denverpost.com.
