Q: Hi Scott,
My husband and I have friends that we want to “break up” with, but we aren’t sure how to do it. We are stuck in a vicious cycle of having them call or e-mail, putting them off for a few months and then finally breaking down and getting together with them.
We have tried to be so overt about putting them off and making up excuses that we hoped they would get the hint or get horribly annoyed and just go away, but that approach is not working. They are very persistent!
Any advice is greatly appreciated.
– Breaking up is hard to do.
SCOTT: It sure is! But why does it have to be?
What happened to a good ol’ white lie: “We’re just so busy these days but we’ll give you a call sometime?”
Then you don’t call, they get the hint and move on, presumably to stalk another couple. Unfortunately, it sounds like you already tried that approach and it didn’t work.
Breaking up with a lover is hard enough, but how do we break up with friends? Just like love relationships, friendships end too but “I need space right now” and “It’s not you, it’s me” don’t seem to apply.
You sound like very nice people and that’s most likely the problem. Your guilt gets the best of you, you give in, call and reluctantly get together.
Well, no more Mr. (& Mrs.) Nice Couple!
Drastic times call for drastic measures. Stop giving in to these freaks. Who’s ultimately in control of your choices and how you spend your free time? You are.
Next time the imbecilic couple initiates contact, leave them a stern voicemail message (when you know they’re not home, of course) firmly stating how busy you and your husband are and getting together is not possible right now. Then, whatever you do, don’t return their calls. Sooner or later they’ll get the message.
See, we may be stuck with family but we’re not stuck with friends we don’t want to be stuck with. The lesson is that when it’s time to let go, do exactly that and let go.