Dear Amy: My girlfriend and I broke up recently.
We were together for almost three years and lived together for a year and a half.
She just turned 21. I am 27.
We are completely honest with each other, so I had a feeling something was wrong, and I asked her if we needed to take a break. She said that she had been thinking about that lately.
We have our little fights, but that’s not the problem. She said she was “due” time to herself because she went directly from her last relationship to dating me when she was 18 (though she did live on her own for a year before moving in with me).
I am so in love with her and know in my heart that we were meant to be.
I am now staying elsewhere for what we decided would be one or two months in order for her to think and spend some time alone.
Now I just don’t know what to do. Should I wait out the two months, even though I believe that she is going to need more time than that? Should I hold on to whatever little bit of a chance we have of getting back and living together? Or do we move out completely, live separately and try to patch our relationship slowly?
– Heavy Hearted
Dear Heavy: You should move out, not only to give your girl some space, but also to get yourself out of relationship limbo.
This is terrible and heartbreaking for you, but you need to realize that, at 21 and 27, the two of you are likely at different stages of life. You are ready to settle down, and she is ready to spread her wings.
I hate to fling this old cliché at you, but this is a case of, “If you truly love her, let her go.” If she comes back, then you truly were “meant to be.”
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Dear Amy: I have a sticky situation on my hands. I had my bridal shower two days ago, and my future mother-in-law, “Barbara,” overheard my aunt talking about a spa trip I am taking a week before my wedding in two months. I made the reservations three months ago for five people only – my mother, my maid of honor, two bridesmaids and me.
Barbara invited herself along and fully expects to go! I can’t change the reservations to add another person and, quite frankly, even if I could I wouldn’t because Barbara has been rude and intrusive toward me since the day I met her.
How can I tell Barbara that she isn’t invited – or should my fiancé do it?
– Annoyed Bride-to-Be
Dear Annoyed: You’re going to have to deliver this news, my dear.
This is your pickle, and I suspect that, as annoyed as you are, you realize that you have a part to play in this drama. You don’t improve matters with your future mother-in-law by excluding her from this event.
You must attempt to make personal inroads with your future mother-in-law. You should say, “Barbara, I’m so sorry that I made reservations only for the five of us for our spa trip. I called the spa and they can’t add another person. But my mother and I would love it if you would join us for tea (or drinks, lunch or dinner) with just the three of us the day after we get back.”
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Dear Amy: I have another suggestion for the “Pining” grandmother who wanted to connect with a special child that she knows. I think “Pining” would be interested in Big Brothers Big Sisters. This program matches adults with a child, based on similar interests. “Pining” has a lot of love to lavish on a child, and both parties would benefit.
– Cario Stewart
Dear Cario: A fantastic suggestion! The Big Brothers Big Sisters organization is frantically attempting to reunite “Bigs” and “Littles” who were separated from one another by Hurricane Katrina. Learn more at bbbsa.org.
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