Dear Amy: I am a 13-year-old girl, but I think I’ve got some valuable advice for an adult who wrote to you recently.
I read the letter from “Good Mom but Tired of Being a Wife,” who wanted a divorce because she and her husband were “drifting.” My parents are going through the same thing.
It hurts worse than anything I’ve ever gone through. It’s an awful blow, especially when my parents seemed completely happy before, and then all of a sudden my dad is moving out.
Guess what, if you are not a happy person, moving out isn’t going to magically make you happy. In fact, it will make you more lonely and sad. It will make everyone sad.
This lady needs to work on the problem instead of blowing up her kids’ lives. It is her job to take care of them. Their trust for her is on the line.
– Feeling Sad and Betrayed
Dear Sad: Thanks for writing a very wise letter. I hope parents clip this column to remind them their kids don’t necessarily share their vision of what it takes to be happy.
Like so many people, I have my own experience with divorce, and I know how it feels to be a kid and worry your family is falling apart. But many families weather these changes and don’t fall apart. They just end up being different – not worse, not better, but different.
I also hope you’ll take this heartfelt letter and show it to both of your folks. They need to know how you are feeling.
…
Dear Amy: I am responding to “Frivolous Bride,” who wanted to have a small wedding now and a large wedding later.
My husband and I got engaged and had a surprise wedding for some closes friends; we were married on snowboards. We believed the spirituality of the event would be overshadowed by the party we thought our families wanted to plan.
A few months before the wedding, we announced to our close family that we were getting married and that they were not invited to the wedding. There was no way we could get all of the parents and grandparents up the mountain, and we didn’t want to compromise.
They were crushed. We told them that they could have the reception for us a month later. We let them plan the music, food, cake, guests, etc., because we figured that was what was important to them.
We were wrong. They really just wanted to be a part of the marriage ceremony. The reception lacked the spirituality the family so wanted.
You really do only get married once. It’s not just about the two of you, but a joining of two families. The bride and groom will live in the shadow of the decision they make for the rest of their marriage.
– Snowboarding Bride in California
Dear Bride: Wow. You excluded your family from your wedding and instead let them plan an elaborate reception for you. I have to wonder why you ever thought this would work.
Hindsight is 20/20, even when you’re blasting downhill on a snowboard.
Thanks for telling your story. Perhaps your spiritual mountaintop moment would have been just as special if you had had a mountaintop blessing while on your honeymoon.
…
Dear Amy: The letter from “Alice,” the elderly widow who thought she wasn’t being gracious since she could not reciprocate when younger friends hosted her for dinner, touched me.
If I invite people to my home – be they old, young, wealthy, on a limited income – I am inviting them because I enjoy their company and want to spend time with them. I don’t invite people with the thought that they will then invite me over.
I hope Alice will realize that her younger friends simply want to be with her and enjoy her company – and I hope that she’ll realize that her gift to them is her being herself.
– A Happy Hostess in N.C.
Dear Happy Hostess: I’m with you, sister! Having guests you enjoy is a reward in itself.
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