Q: Hi Scott,
Say you are dating a guy and everything seems to be going well. He seems to like you, tells you he wants to see you, makes plans to see you, flirts with you when you get together, if you talk on the phone he doesn’t seem to want to hang up.
So when a date has been planned, one that he says he is looking forward to and that day comes and you have not heard from him, you call him, leave a message and he doesn’t call back…. You wait a couple of days, call again giving him the benefit of the doubt, and still hear nothing.
I am stubborn so I will not call him again, I felt I have done all that I can, the ball is in his court, and he knows how to reach me and where to find me if he wants to be in touch with me. But I am wondering if I missed something in his actions?
In his defense he is a very busy person, finishing up with school plus other projects, he is in his mid 30s and quite independent, as am I, so there is no need for us to see each other on a constant basis right now.
I understand all that is going on in his life right now, and am fine with the lack of availability on his part. We’re actually very similar in that perspective.
I guess I just ask for the courtesy of calling if you are not going to make it to something (I expect the same from my friends), and ultimately if you are not interested in me just tell me, I don’t want to waste my time.
I realize this is more of a statement rather than a question, but would really appreciate another perspective on the subject. Most men friends I have talked to come to the same conclusion, they have no idea what to think, but all tell me the same thing, don’t call him.
Thanks for your insight,
– Jean
SCOTT: Sometimes stubbornness works in our favor, so it’s good to know you won’t be calling him again.
Why would you anyway? Just as you indicated, if he really wanted to get a hold of you he’s got your digits and knows how to use them.
Most anyone would expect a courtesy call when a date will be late or a no-show, but you didn’t even get that.
Why not? Because he’s not on your level; nor does he deserve to have you make excuses for him. Sure, he started out as a nice person (they always do) and we’re all busy in our lives, but that doesn’t change a thing.
Unless a freak accident occurred and he’s lying in the intensive care unit somewhere, he should’ve called.
Now for the reciprocity.
If you do ever hear from him, tell him it was no big deal then drop him like a bad fashion trend. He’ll get that little jolt and taste of rejection he deserves.
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