Dear Amy: I am a 15-year-old girl in high school. I take great pride in being a virgin and that I plan to wait until marriage. All my friends know this, and they respect me for it. Life without that worry has been great.
Unfortunately, a few weeks ago a close friend (who is 14) told me she had sex with her boyfriend and didn’t want me to think of her any differently, but how can I not? She gave herself away at 14 – and to a guy she might not even continue dating! I’m trying hard not to judge her because of this action, but being around her and even talking to her makes me uncomfortable because I’m not sure what other kinds of peer pressure she can or will succumb to. She has been a great friend, but I can’t help but be worried about her.
– Concerned Teen
Dear Concerned: Somewhere along the line, making judgments got a bad name. But at 15, your judgment is just about all you have. You are exercising your judgment in making your own choice. Your friend is too.
Good friends say, “I like you but I don’t like your choice.” Fourteen is waaaaay too young to have sex. Your decision to be and stay a virgin at least leaves the door open for you to change your mind when you are mature enough to make a more educated decision about sex.
But having sex is a bell you can’t unring. Your friend is exposing herself to sexually transmitted diseases, pregnancy and heartbreak. Your steady and affectionate example could be a key influence. Affection and good judgment without harshness will benefit her.
Talk through these issues with a trusted adult. An adult who knows your friend should decide whether – and how – to tell the girl’s parents about her sexual behavior.
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Dear Amy: I’m interested in your view on a subject close to my heart. I wonder whether it is right to increase our chances of having a boy or a girl for our second child by using the process of “sperm sorting” offered by some companies.
My husband and I have a wonderful little baby boy, and we’re thinking of having a second baby. We’d like a girl so we could have “one of each,” but would be happy with any outcome. Mostly, I don’t want to do it, yet the technology is there, and I have to admit it’s sometimes tempting.
– Tempted
Dear Tempted: I don’t like gaming the system, unless there is some sort of overwhelming medical or genetic reason to do so. Wanting “one of each” just doesn’t cut it.
Even in these technologically advanced times, parenthood is still a state of mystery, requiring a great deal of grace. Gender selection creates the illusion of control, while parenthood provides very little. That you are even tempted by companies eager to sell you a sperm-sorting service means you should talk it out thoroughly with your physician, a counselor or a more experienced parent whom you trust.
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Dear Amy: From time to time, I invite my brother to be my guest at dinner at a very nice, upscale restaurant. He usually arrives early and has a few drinks while he waits.
He then also has a few drinks at dinner (don’t worry, no driving here). While I fully expect to pay for the drinks with dinner, I don’t necessarily think I should pay for his drinks before the designated dinnertime.
When I invite people for dinner, I don’t mind what or how much they order, as they are my guests, and I wouldn’t invite them if I couldn’t afford to pay. Somehow, it rubs me the wrong way that he shows up early, drinks and then has the charge put on the dinner tab.
– Denise
Dear Denise: You are correct. Well-mannered people pay their own bar tab rather than let their hosts pony up for their pre-dinner Singapore Sling. It should be easy for you to say, “Brother, can you do me a favor and clear up your bar tab before we eat?”
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