Q: I am a grandmother who is really worried about my daughter’s decision to have my granddaughter live with her Dad.
A year ago my daughter chose to get out of her 17-year marriage because her husband was extremely jealous, and because she claimed she was not “in love” with him any longer.
My two grandchildren, a boy of 12 and a girl 15, are being made to live with my daughter one week and then with their father the next week. I have told my daughter this is not fair to the kids, as it disrupts their lives each and every week.
We have had several battles about this living arrangement for the kids, but she tells me I need to butt out!
Now, my granddaughter is having a very difficult time in high school and is failing most of her classes. When I asked my granddaughter why she is giving up, she claimed she is just dumb and can’t do the work.
After finding out last week that my granddaughter is not even going to her failed classes now, my daughter told her to move out of her house and just live with her father, if she thinks he is a better parent and if she is not even going to try to finish high school. I had words with my daughter over this decision, but she refuses to talk with me about it now.
I have begged my daughter to seek help for my granddaughter and she was in the process of looking into an options high school in Jefferson County for my granddaugher.
Now, I am afraid that the girl’s father — who, by the way, is a very poor disciplinarian with the kids — will not carry through with getting my granddaughter into a different high school. In fact, I am sure he will just let her fail and not try anything to help her. He is still dealing with his own set of problems after the divorce.
Is there a better way that I can help my granddaughter? It is so hard to watch this young girl go through this bad time in her life.
– Worried and concerned grandmother!
SCOTT: I see why you’re concerned. Maybe your granddaughter is giving up on school because her mother is giving up on her.
What’s going on here? Did the parents divorce the kids when they divorced each other?
I believe that most people have good intentions when they decide to reproduce, but not everyone comprehends the enormous long-term sacrifices required to produce emotionally-balanced intelligent members of society.
Your daughter clearly doesn’t know the first thing about parenting if she’s willing to give up on her investment in her daughter.
One option I can suggest is that you offer to take your granddaughter every other week since her mother is choosing to relinquish her position. In the end, you’re the one who can make a difference in her life where her parents fail her.
Good luck. I hope you can have some influence on the situation so you don’t have to continue to see her go downhill, which is no doubt a result of the lack of structure in her life.
People should be required to pass a proficiency test before they can procreate.