Dear Amy: I fear my 15-year-old son has a serious social problem. He apparently sits alone at lunch, and other kids are making fun of him. It was so bad that the principal called my house and told me about it.
My son never told me about this, and he does not seem sad after school. I don’t know what to do. Should I confront the people who are bothering him? Should I tell the principal to tell them not to tease my son?
– Desperate in D.C.
Dear Desperate: Your principal should have done more than just notify you about this. You need to intervene right away – not directly with the kids bullying your son, but with your son and the school.
Your son’s school should have a no-tolerance policy toward bullying, but the school might not be policing its students as well as it should.
A 15-year-old who is socially isolated and is being teased already has many strikes against him. The best thing might be to give him a chance to quietly exit the cafeteria altogether.
You need to set up a meeting with the principal to see what your son’s options are. You should explore alternatives to his eating in the cafeteria. Your son’s school might have clubs or committees that meet during lunch – I know of a middle school teacher who thoughtfully provides her classroom as a place where students can stay before school or during lunch. They can meet and talk, eat their lunch with her, read and catch up on their homework.
If your son is lucky enough to have a teacher who will mentor him during his lunch period, at the very least, it will remove him from the agony of the lunchroom. The school counselor should help develop a plan.
Even if your son doesn’t act sad, it doesn’t mean this doesn’t bother him. Teen boys are famously reticent about their feelings – yet they feel things very keenly and deeply. He has a right to be educated in an environment free of harassment.
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Dear Amy: An older gentleman at work gives me little gifts now and then. He brought back a key chain from a recent vacation. I wouldn’t mind this much except that some of the guys who work with him said he told them I was his girlfriend.
I have been here for two years, and I make every effort to be nice and respectful to all employees. However, when this man recently presented me with a religious book and a small cross pendant, I thanked him for the thoughtfulness but told him I could not accept his gift. He refused to take it back and walked away.
My boyfriend thinks I was rude and should have just taken the gift and said thank you.
– Ungrateful Co-worker
Dear Ungrateful: I think you’ve handled things well so far. Now drop it. Take his gifts home and put them away.
Your refusal of his most recent gift might have ended your co-worker’s generosity. If not, you should speak to a supervisor about this. You don’t want to embarrass your co-worker unnecessarily, but if he is making you uncomfortable and if other co-workers are razzing you (or him) about an imaginary romance, a supervisor should ask him to stop.
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Dear Amy: I read the letter from “George’s Wife,” complaining that her husband refused to shave on the weekends.
As a man, I can attest to the fact that shaving (daily) is a pain in the neck. Literally.
It wasn’t clear whether this gentleman gave up all hygiene, but if all he’s doing is avoiding the razor on Saturday and Sunday, as long as he doesn’t stink, she should cut him some slack.
I’m sure she isn’t in front of the mirror doing makeup every weekend morning. If the plans for Saturday night include a fancy party or restaurant, he should scrape the fuzz off.
– Ralph in Connecticut
Dear Ralph: I’ve received letters on both sides of this topic that seem to fall along gender lines. I seem to be in the minority of women who don’t mind weekend stubble.
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