Q: Scott,
My brother and sister in law had a little girl in March. She’s a sweetie, all right. They live on the other side of town and I see them very infrequently due to work and my life and their jobs and lives.
I am in my mid 30s and have no desire to have kids of my own, and am totally not used to having babies around, since I stopped babysitting when I was 16. I do phone once in a while to see how they all are and go up once in a while if we find we have schedules that match.
A few weeks ago I called to talk about the holidays and my sister-in-law got all bent out of shape that I wasn’t enough a part of my niece’s life. Being that I am the only aunt or uncle of true blood, she feels that I should be there more.
She’s nine months old, for crying out loud. What is there for me to be there for? Am I a bad aunt for not making weekly or even regular monthly visits to them?
Or is my sister-in-law just being a bit too out of control by thinking that I don’t care about her? I have reasons for not offering to drive 35 miles to babysit at this time in all our lives.
Yes, I will admit I had the whole, “I don’t want to hold her cause I might break her” fear at first but I have gotten a bit more used to the idea that if anything happens I will take care of her.
Am I just being too selfish with my time? If ya don’t think so, how do I explain to her that she needs to tone it down a bit?
Thanks,
Signed,
– I don’t do Diapers
SCOTT: Your sister-in-law is suffering from a little postpartum depression, or at least that’s all I could come up with to explain her going off on you. The kid is nine months old for God’s sake!
What are you supposed to do, offer to babysit when you don’t do diapers (I don’t either) and you’re even afraid to pick her up? Not a good idea.
Don’t despair. You’re still a good person.
Your niece is brand-new and it’s going to take time for everyone to get used to her, especially you, since you don’t possess those phenomenal parental instincts we always hear about. You’ll become more comfortable with the little moppet in time, and we’re not talking about a measly nine months, either.
Now, send them a miscellaneous gift for the baby along with a note explaining how truly happy you are for their procreation (maybe choose another word though) and that you’ll be the best aunt you can be. How could they expect any more than that?
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