Q: I have been with my boyfriend for more than two years. Recently we were at my house, watching a movie, while my parents and brother were upstairs. I wanted to have fun with him, so I decided to lower my jeans and show him my sexy underwear.
Suddenly, my 15-year-old brother appeared. He was shocked because we were in a really weird position! He told my parents, and now they are disappointed and angry and think we’ve been having sex. I don’t know what to do.
Lily: First off, you should acknowledge that you disrespected your parents with your actions. You’re in their house behaving in a way they don’t approve of. And no matter how innocent you may think your behavior was, do you really wonder why your parents jumped to the conclusion they did?
My mom used to always tell me, “No hagas cosas buenas que parezcan malas.” You have damaged the trust you had earned with your mom and dad, and you need to repair that.
First, talk to them and apologize for disrespecting them and their home. Then, with actions, try to show them that you can be a mature young lady and abide by their rules. This won’t happen overnight, but keep trying.
As parents, we often have a hard time viewing our kids as individuals with their own ideas. Hey, you’re human, you made a mistake, and now you’re going to try to rectify it. And in the future, keep your pants on no matter how cute those undies are.
Catherine: Every woman wants to feel beautiful. Every woman especially wants the man she loves to think she is beautiful. You have bought into the lie that women have to be sexy to be beautiful.
Our tabloid/reality-TV culture tells us that the only way to be sexy is to be “skanky.” Women like to get a reaction out of guys, but then we get offended when they just want to sleep with us.
I guarantee that your parents just want the best for you. Handle yourself in a way that would make your parents proud, and the right guy will respect you even more for it.
Danny: Lucy, you’ve got some ‘splainin’ to do. …
The decision to “have fun” with the boyfriend totally compromised the trust your parents had in you. You not only disrespected your home, yourself and your family, but you also may have signaled to this boy that perhaps you are ready for a next step. Actions speak louder than words, my dear, and yours are screaming out.
You goofed. You owe your brother and your parents an apology. Offer to ground yourself for however long will make them happy. Discuss what things you can do to assure your parents you are not sexually active.
If ever you wanted to be treated like an adult, this is your chance. Establish or redefine your moral compass and live by it. And talk about being in a weird position – you say one thing and do another! Please don’t be that hypocrite everyone loves to make fun of.
Glossary
No hagas cosas buenas que parezcan malas: Don’t do good things if they might look like bad ones.
Consejos is a bilingual advice column focused on relationships, culture and identity. E-mail your questions or comments to consejos@dallasnews.com. Or send your letters to Consejos, care of Texas Living, The Dallas Morning News, 508 Young St., Dallas, TX 75202.
