Dear Amy: I am a senior in high school. One of my close friends was accepted to an Ivy League university. I spent the night at her house and found her application in her room. While looking at it, I discovered that she lied about several of her extracurricular activities.
I am torn about what to do. If the school finds out, she will have her acceptance rescinded.She is very smart and deserves to go to college, but it is not right that she lied. She can probably still apply to a state school if her admission is revoked, but telling anyone means admitting I was snooping around her room and possibly losing other people’s trust.
– Unsure
Dear Unsure: There, there. Let it all out. Now that you’ve shared your story, I’m going to take the burden of this terrible secret knowledge out of your hands. Here’s what you should do: nothing.
Your friend’s college application is so none of your business. First of all, you don’t even know for sure if this was her application, or perhaps a draft containing exaggerations she later removed before submitting it.
An Ivy League university’s admissions standards also aren’t your business. The only university admissions program you should be interested in is your own. You don’t mention whether you are headed to college, but if you do, here’s a tip: Don’t snoop. It never goes well.
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Dear Amy: I have a niece getting married this June. Her choice of flower girl or ring bearer is none of my business, but I would like a professional opinion.
She has chosen her nephew, who will be 7 1/2 months old in June, to be the ring bearer, and her future husband’s niece, who will be almost a year old, will be the flower girl. I know she has her reasons why she chose these children, who, by the way, won’t be able to walk down the aisle or remember the occasion when they’re older, but I’m puzzled. She has seven older male and female cousins, all between 2 and 14 who would love to be in the wedding.
Actually, I guess I am a little hurt, and this is why – when my niece was 2, she was the flower girl in my wedding 17 years ago. I now have a daughter who is 9 and adores her and has even made mention to her about being a flower girl in the wedding – but my niece has ignored this.
I feel awkward questioning her about it.
– Flower Girl Wannabe
Dear Wannabe: I’ve never heard of babies serving as wedding attendants. I’m just trying to picture the tiny tuxedo – a black-and-white “onesie” with a diaper trapdoor.
You need to maintain a neutral attitude – with your niece and especially with your daughter – knowing that in the scheme of things, this isn’t something you should get your feelings hurt over.
Here’s something you could do that might just lay the groundwork in a subtle way that doesn’t prejudge your niece’s choices.
Send her a copy of your wedding photo (one with her in it), along with a note saying something to the effect of, “I just came across this and thought you’d get a kick out of it as you plan your wedding. You were the cutest little flower girl ever! Can’t wait for your big day.”
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Dear Amy: You ran a letter recently from “Frustrated,” who kept getting hoodwinked into attending sales parties at her neighbors’ homes.
I used to be a consultant for a “home party” company, and my worst hosts were the ones who said, “I didn’t tell my friends it was a sales party because I wanted them all to be here.” I once did a show where everyone showed up thinking it was a regular party – and then never wanted to buy anything.
I have told many hosts to make sure they are honest with their guests about what kind of party they are having.
– Ex-Consultant
Dear Ex: Ex-cellent advice.
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