Dear Amy: I am a very attractive 20-year-old college sophomore. I live off-campus with other women. I’m careful about my appearance and won’t even go out jogging without makeup.
A few days before Christmas vacation, my housemates left for early class and I did my daily jog. When I returned to the house, two young men accosted me and pushed me into the house. They took money, my ATM card and pin number.
After tying my wrists tightly behind my back, they bound the rest of me from my shoulders to my ankles, taped my mouth and left me in the closet. I thought I would be able to demonstrate my spunk and wiggle out of it, but I couldn’t move.
I sat for the next three hours.
As luck would have it, my housemates returned with a troop of our friends (including several boys) and heard me “mmphing” in the closet. They found me still tightly bound and gagged, sweating, tear- streaked, and utterly helpless. I was so embarrassed I wanted to die.
I am still gripped by the embarrassment of being seen in such an undignified situation. I cannot help feeling completely dispirited and depressed. I know I’m being vain and that I should be thankful that I’m safe and sound, but I need some bucking up. I want to get my spunk back. How can I recover?
– Bound and Gagged
Dear Bound: You have been the victim of a very serious crime. You don’t mention involving the police in this, but you must – even at this late date.
I love it that you want to get your spunk back. (It’s very spunky of you to want that, by the way.) But those guys stole a part of you – along with your ATM card and pin number. By reporting this crime and doing what you can to help ensure that these thieves don’t victimize someone else, you’ll be loosening some of the ties that still bind you.
Resilient people are able to acknowledge the bad things that happen, process their feelings, accept the reality of the situation and move on with a sense of optimism. But even resilient and spunky people need support and assistance to recover from such a traumatic event.
The National Center for Victims of Crime offers research and resources for crime victims. They will help to connect you with local support groups or counselors. Call 800-394-2255 or visit ncvc.org.
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Dear Amy: I am a wife, a mother of two (ages 16 and 13), and I just turned 49 last week.
When my family’s birthdays come up, I always make sure the kids get gifts for each other and their dad. We go out to dinner or I make a favorite meal.
My birthday is always an afterthought. This year my husband left the morning of my birthday for a week-long business trip and said we would go shopping for a gift together when he got back. I just wish he had been thoughtful enough to get me a gift without making me pick it out for myself.
I got two homemade cards from the kids, and I’m not complaining about that, but my daughter was making it as we were walking out the door to go to dinner (my plan – not theirs).
What can I do to make my family understand that on my birthday it would be nice to feel like they had been thinking of me – or am I just being a baby?
– Hurt Feelings
Dear Hurt: Your husband is the key here. His actions demonstrate how your children should treat you.
The fact that you even wonder if you are being a “baby” about this makes me think that you haven’t given your husband the benefit of some clarity on this.
You could say, “Honey, it hurt my feelings that you didn’t help me and the kids to celebrate my birthday. Can we do it differently next year?”
Then give your husband some specific ideas.
E-mail askamy@tribune.com or write Ask Amy, Chicago Tribune, TT500, 435 N. Michigan Ave., Chicago, IL 60611.
