This note’s for you, Matt Carle. …
They say the ball doesn’t carry anymore at Coors Canaveral. Excuse me? How would we know? The Rockies struck out 29 times in their first three home games. …
So Brian Fuentes was a bit miffed to hear “‘YMCA” as he walked in from the bullpen on opening day. How do you think those left-handed hitters felt? They had to listen to it, then strike out. They don’t come any nastier than Fuentes when it comes to lefty-vs.-lefty. …
No, the home team doesn’t hit much, but watching Brad Hawpe throw from right field is worth the price of a swig of beer. Dude can flat-out fling it. Said Clint Hurdle, “Third-base coaches know who Brad Hawpe is.” …
Don’t get me wrong, the Masters is by far the best golf tournament going. But about that green jacket. … What do you do with it the day after the tournament? No, I mean other than feed it to the moths. …
By the way, congratulations to Colorado’s own David Duval for that 10 he took Friday. And yes, I’m being serious. Anybody who’d go out there in front of God and everybody, with his game in a total shambles, deserves nothing but our admiration. …
For the record, this is where I was going to tell the Avs to just win, baby. But last time I checked, Al Davis’ trademark saying wasn’t doing the Raiders much good. …
Funny how these things work. For a team with few playoff expectations, these Avs sure have been fun to watch. It’s called effort. You only get it from them on days of the week ending in “y.” …
Talk about living a charmed life. The ChiSox were 9-0 against the Indians last season in one-run games. Not gonna happen again, sports fans. …
The Earth is flat, Rush Limbaugh is a liberal, and Tom and Roseanne are getting back together. How do we know? Because the Sox are going to outdraw the Cubs this season. …
Memo to NASCAR Nation: I give up. I tried to get into motorsports, I really did, but it just doesn’t do anything for me. If I want to see a bunch of crashes, I’ll watch Shaq shoot free throws. …
Add Shaq: He wears thong undies and has his toenails painted. And now he’s whining about the officials? I don’t want to say anything, big fella, but people are starting to talk. …
“You’ve Got a Friend in Pennsylvania,” the license plate reads, and not a one of them can pitch. To wit: The Pirates and Phillies were a combined 0-9 going into the weekend. …
By the numbers: 16. That’s how many MLB teams have lower payrolls than the gap between the Yankees ($198,662,180) and the Red Sox, the second highest-paid club at $120,100,524. …
And to think, the Yankees will win the World Series right about the time a nose ring and tattoo show up in a Norman Rockwell painting. If you took notes in Baseball 101, you know why. Plenty of bats, not enough arms. …
Bob Huggins tells ESPN radio he took the K-State job sight unseen, without setting foot on campus. Makes sense if you think about it. What, like there’s a lot to see in Manhattan, Kan.? …
Jay Leno, post-March Madness: “Florida got a congratulatory phone call from President Bush. UCLA shot so poorly, they got a phone call from Dick Cheney.” …
Kiki Vandeweghe couldn’t have been happy when the Rockets shocked the NBA world by naming Celtics stats analyst Daryl Morey their GM-in-waiting. If I could find anyone in the league who believes Vandeweghe will be back next season, he’d be talking in this paragraph. …
Just wondering: Where have all the heavyweight boxers gone? I’d rather watch George Foreman and Joe Frazier fight over prunes at a salad bar than pay to see these other geeks. …
Somebody asked me the other day what I thought of “Bonds on Bonds.” Needs a new title, for one thing. “Sergeant BALCO,” maybe? I’ll be watching that thing right after I get a restraining order against Molly Sims. …
We media types may be late to the story, but we’re not making up this stuff. Steroids is the second-biggest lie in baseball, right behind the age of every player from the Dominican Republic. …
And finally, Playboy magazine has named my alma mater the No. 1 party school in the country. And what school would that be? I can’t remember.
Catch Jim Armstrong from 6-9 a.m. during “The Press Box” on ESPN 560 AM. He can be reached at 303-820-5452 or jmarmstrong@denverpost.com.
