Dear Amy: Recently you ran a letter from “Caroline in Baltimore” concerning her in-laws who liked to pray in a group before meals. I found your response disturbing.
I am a nonreligious person. When I visit someone’s house who is religious, I respect their traditions. I just sit quietly and do not participate. We do not pray aloud in my house, and I have never had a problem with guests not respecting traditions in my house.
I don’t see why I have to tolerate rude behavior in my house. Caroline’s in-laws, assuming they are aware of her and her husband’s lack of religious beliefs, are rude and insensitive. If they are not aware, the husband needs to develop some spine and make them aware. If they have to pray, let them do it silently.
My parents smoked. When they visited me, they did not smoke out of respect for me. I never had to ask them not to. Conversely, when I visited them, I never asked them not to smoke in their house. My parents knew how to be good guests. I suggest Caroline’s in-laws learn how.
– Tom From Portland, Ore.
Dear Tom: I heard from about 100 readers, and not one agreed with me. My point was that her in-laws had always been religious and had always had this prayer practice. Caroline and her husband’s religious views had changed, and the prayers made them uncomfortable. I suggested this was a case of religious tolerance, but each reader said the in-laws were rude by praying at the home of people who didn’t believe in prayer.
One reader said “if I had such a guest, he would be free to pray in his guest room, in private, but not in front of my TV while I am watching it. Similarly, if someone wants to say grace before I sit down, they are free to do so, but not once I am at my table in my house.” Yet you are the only one to compare prayer to smoking.
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Dear Amy: You have run letters from women whose families treat them as second best, even forgetting their birthdays.
I was a single mother of two boys without family members in town to set an example for celebrating my birthday. If it were going to happen, I would have to show them. On each of my birthdays, I bought croissants and set the coffee maker so that when the boys woke up they could push the button and bring me coffee with a croissant for breakfast in bed.
Also, throughout the year, I had them set money aside for my gift and have a friend take them shopping when the time came. Of course, I made a big deal out of receiving all this, much to their delight. This must have worked, because at my oldest son’s wedding he toasted me with thanks for showing him how to treat a woman.
– Mary Elizabeth
Dear Mary: I absolutely love this. We parents need to teach our children how to treat us. We should maintain high standards for their behavior and forgiving natures when they fall short. They will pass these lessons to their own kids.
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Dear Amy: With low-rider pants and a high-rider shirt in the normal course of activities, a young lady will often reveal her underwear. Sometimes it will be a thong or something close. It often will be quite a fashion statement. These ladies appear to be dressing to be noticed. As a young man, should I make a compliment or pretend not to notice?
– Concerned
Dear Concerned: If you think it’s a fashion statement, it’s fine compliment her. A thong strap isn’t different from a bellybutton piercing in this sense. If it is easily covered but obviously visible, sure you would notice.
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