Dear Amy: I’m a teenage girl. This year, for convenience reasons, I have been carpooling with a friend who lives near me. While my parents and I are grateful for this carpool (it really is much more convenient for us than them), I have one complaint, and I am not sure how to approach it, or if it is a problem worth looking at.
They do not wait for me to get into my house before they drive away. Many days I come home to an empty house. I usually have a key with me to unlock the door, and in the event that I didn’t, I would most likely be able to get a spare key from one of our two neighbors. However, I thought it was carpool etiquette to wait to make sure that the person being dropped off gets in safely before leaving.
– Concerned
Dear Concerned: This isn’t an etiquette question but a question of your security. You’ll always need to be aware of and proactive about it.
Before you get out of the car, you should say to the driver, “Would you mind waiting until I get into the house and turn on the porch light? Sometimes I get nervous about walking into the empty house.” You should assume your carpool buddies simply aren’t aware of what they should do. You’re going to do them the favor of letting them know that you would feel better if they would just wait an extra 30 seconds or so.
Thoughtful and aware drivers know to wait until you have entered the house, but any time I have asked a friend (or a cab driver) to wait for me to enter and turn on the light, they seem happy to be asked to play a small part in keeping me safe.
Grant your carpool buddies the same privilege.
…
Dear Amy: Everyone agrees that people just don’t write thank-you notes these days, so I’m not dwelling on my disappointment at not hearing from any of my great-grandchildren to whom I have sent gifts.
One of them, like me, has a great love of books. I would so much like to hear from her because I would love to know what book or books she got with her gift card. But she does not communicate.
What I am really interested in is if your readers have come up with plans for getting some response from these dear ones. It seems like they think we are doing only what we are supposed to do when we send them gifts.
I taught my children about thank-you notes, and during a long career as a high school English teacher, I tried to teach thousands of young people about them. But apparently the younger generation simply doesn’t get it.
Can anyone suggest a strategy that will get a response?
– Out-of-It in Connecticut
Dear Out-of-it: I know that this is a persistent and sticky problem. One suggestion I have is that you might try to e-mail your great-granddaughter and check in with her to see how she is doing and what she is reading. (I know you have e-mail because you sent me an e-mail.) One reader who was similarly frustrated said she shamed her young relations into being in touch. She taped self-addressed and stamped postcards to her gifts, asking their recipients to drop a line by slipping the card in the mail to let her know that they had received their gift. She said she had a lot of success with this method and received newsy and thankful postcards in return.
I think it might be time to start a national movement. Thanking someone is so easy and so satisfying.
All we need is a slogan. I’ll take reader suggestions and run them in future columns.
E-mail askamy@tribune.com or write Ask Amy, Chicago Tribune, TT500, 435 N. Michigan Ave., Chicago, IL 60611.
