Q: I have a huge problem and … need your advice. I’ll soon be 17 and don’t live with my parents. I don’t know where my mom is, but my father is always around to help out and takes good care of all his kids.
He has regrets in life, but he is always trying to lead us in the right direction and compliments us for not making the same mistakes he did – like dropping out of school.
But I have a secret: I’m about three months pregnant! If I tell him, it will both break his heart and cause him to put his foot down. When I entered high school, he said none of his girls would stay with him or relatives if we became pregnant or stayed with a guy.
I’ve worked out a situation for another place where I can stay, but my stomach isn’t giving me a lot of time. I want to know how to break the news to my dad. Please help!
Catherine: Be honest with your father. He will probably be upset and may even insist that you move out of your current living situation. Try not to react to his anger. Instead, involve him in your thoughts.
Let him see that you were involved in adult behavior when you created the baby and that you are prepared to act like an adult and take responsibility now. Discuss the different choices you have for parenting your child, either raising the child yourself or putting it up for adoption. Let him know how much his support and love would mean to you now.
I can’t imagine how scared you must be. There are crisis pregnancy clinics in almost every city that can offer you emotional, medical and even financial help. A community of people who have gone through similar experiences could offer invaluable insight and comfort. “Que Dios te bendiga!”
Lily: If you showed irresponsibility in your previous actions, you owe it to your dad (and to this baby) to be responsible now and tell him. As a parent, his (and my) first reaction might be to shake you like a snow globe, hoping the flakes of common sense land where they need to land.
But after we get that out of our system, unconditional love steps in and we try to help as best we can.
Try to see it from his view: He loves you and knows this is going to present some speed bumps in your life. We would love to take our children and walk them around life’s big mud puddles. Instead, grab him by the hand and reassure him that you’re on this walk together.
Danny: “La panza” will reveal all, so step up and let the cat out of the bag now. You had a lapse in judgment, made a poor decision, and your life has changed forever. Break his heart, face the consequences and then begin to rebuild a life.
The least of your concerns is what Dad and anyone else might think. You need to figure out and plan how you will support this baby. Finalize any assistance and support you will need in advance of the birth.
You might be surprised at how a grandchild might soften up dear old Dad. Give it time, but for now plan your best life. Good luck to you, and let us know how you are doing.
GLOSSARY
Qué Dios te bendiga!: God bless you!
la panza: the belly
Consejos is a bilingual advice column focused on relationships, culture and identity. E-mail your questions or comments toconsejos@dallasnews.com. Or send your letters to Consejos, care of Texas Living, The Dallas Morning News, 508 Young St., Dallas, TX 75202.
