Dear Amy: I am a 17-year- old single mom. I recently moved out of my father’s house and do not speak to my mother.
I lived with my sister for a couple of weeks. When that didn’t work out, I moved in with my cousin.
I live a few houses from my father. We were very close, and my 2-year-old son adores him.
I am dating a guy who lives about 5 miles away. Because we both work, I usually spend weekends with him.
The problem is that my dad is still trying to control my every move. He tells me that I can go to my boyfriend’s this weekend but then not again for three weeks. And if I happen to visit during the week, my father calls five or six times wanting to know when I will be leaving. He has always been overprotective, but I don’t think what I do now is any of his business.
I have a job, pay rent and provide for my son.
How can I tell my father to back off without hurting him and breaking our already bruised relationship? –
No Longer Daddy’s Girl
Dear Daddy’s Girl: Perhaps your father wasn’t the kind of dad you needed when you were sexually active and having a child at age 15, but, God love him, he’s trying to be a father now. You should try to think about your dad not as a daughter would but as a fellow parent would.
You don’t say where your son is while you are visiting your boyfriend – in fact, you don’t mention your son much at all – but your life has to be about him now. This doesn’t mean that you can’t have fun or have a boyfriend, but it does mean that you have to give your son the very best chance in life that you can. You have to be a steady and consistent mom. You shouldn’t be leaving your son for extended periods and you shouldn’t take him with you to a boyfriend’s house.
So, yes, your father is worried about you. You and your son have bounced from home to home, and your mother isn’t in your life. He probably doesn’t want you to get pregnant and have another child until you’re older and more mature. If you are leaving your son with your dad while you go away, he might worry that your absence is harmful to your child (it is).
You should talk to your father as a fellow parent, listen to him as a daughter, and let him help you find a middle path where everybody in your family can grow and thrive.
…
Dear Amy: I have noticed a trend over the past decade among wait staffs at many restaurants. They refer to guests as “guys.” Upon entrance, a hostess will greet diners with, “Hi guys, how many today?” Then a server will ask if “you guys” are ready to order. Moments after the food has arrived, the server will interrupt my conversation and ask if “you guys need anything else.”
I’ve worked in restaurants and wouldn’t have dreamed of being informal with customers.
I had a professor in college who frequented a chain restaurant where I worked. On busy Friday nights, the wait staff (mostly students) was delighted to whisk our professor and his family to the top of the long waiting list.
He appreciated the gesture and always reminded us to please not call him and his family “guys.” He made his point gently and clearly. Would you recommend the same approach? Will you remind readers that being so informal with guests is incredibly rude?
– Allison in D.C.
Dear Allison: I have a female cousin who, when she is confronted with this very same issue, looks around and says, “Well, if we see any guys, we’ll let them know.” However, your letter raises a different professional question. Your professor, who otherwise sounds like a gentleman, should not have permitted you to bypass other waiting customers in order to favor him.
Your offer might have annoyed customers more than any “guy” comments would.
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