Q: I have recently been dating a guy of Mexican descent. He’s really caring, thoughtful, extremely smart and insightful, and I hope that it will be a long-term relationship.
However, I am an Asian girl who has never dated a Hispanic guy, and I’m not very familiar with the Mexican culture and traditions.
How should I behave in front of his mother and other family members? I have a pretty respectful nature, but I am afraid the family won’t accept me. Can you give me any advice on scoring some brownie points?
Lily: Absolutely not! If you’re the respectful young lady you say you are, family acceptance should fall into place. The more time you spend with his mom and family, the more you will feel at ease. They’re probably as nervous to meet you as you are to meet them.
Common courtesy and good manners are universal. Plus, any pointers will sound stereotypical and probably come off as fake, which is not the impression you want to make.
So don’t bother watching Univision to catch up on the “novelas,” or watching “las selecciones” to fake that “futbol fanatismo,” or suggesting that Sandra Cisneros is your favorite Latina author. Do none of this unless it is true and, more important, YOU. “Suerte” and remember: Roma was not built in a day.
Danny: There is nothing better than just being yourself, and since you say that you already have a respectful nature, you’re off to a great start. Employ your best listening skills when around your “querido’s” family, and they will lead you.
People tend to speak to us with body language, tone of voice and, of course, words. You will be able to figure out where and when certain questions or conversations are appropriate based on what you see and hear. So be attentive and don’t try too hard. Best of luck to you!
Catherine: When the advice “just be yourself” still leaves you wondering how to act, here are a few pointers for dealing with Latin families.
Latin culture involves a lot of kissing and hugging. If his family greets you with a peck on the cheek or a huge “abrazo,” act normal and relaxed. Follow their lead. If they offer to shake your hand instead, do not try to force a cheek-kissing welcome.
Refer to his parents by their formal titles, Mr. and Mrs. So-and-so. Respect will always speak well for you. If they ask you to call them by their first names, feel free, but until then, keep it formal.
Try to appear relaxed and confident. Sometimes you have to fake a laid-back appearance, and that’s fine. Try to engage in conversation as much as possible, and act as if you feel completely at ease with their family dynamic.
As is true in any culture, Latino families are all unique. Ask your boyfriend for any specific tips about his family. Welcome to the wonderful Latin culture. Try to relax and enjoy it!
GLOSSARY
– novelas: soap operas
– las selecciones: highlight clips
– futbol fanatismo: soccer fanaticism
– suerte: good luck
– querido: dear one, love
– abrazo: hug
Consejos is a bilingual advice column focused on relationships, culture and identity. E-mail your questions or comments to consejos@dallasnews.com. Or send your letters to Consejos, care of Texas Living, The Dallas Morning News, 508 Young St., Dallas, TX 75202.
