Dear Amy: My husband and I have been looking forward to his brother’s wedding, which is taking place in a few weeks.
My husband is the best man.
I just learned from a third party that the couple married in a civil ceremony a few weeks ago. I suspect that this has something to do with the fact that her student visa was about to expire and she was having trouble getting her green card issued in time.
The groom has not told my husband about this, so I’m guessing the guests don’t know, either.
It still feels pretty rotten to me to have guests attending under the false impression that this is the real ceremony.
Is there a discreet way of letting guests know that a civil ceremony has already taken place?
– Tired of the Sham
Dear Tired: When couples marry “in secret” and then have a wedding later, they involve their unwitting guests in a fraud. One purpose of having wedding guests and attendants such as a best man is to have people to serve as official witnesses to a wedding. If a couple is already married, then their guests are witnessing a reiteration of marriage vows.
It would be easy for this couple to contact their guests to let them know that because of circumstances beyond their control, they are already married but that they are going ahead with a joyful blessing of their union on the date and time stated on the invitation.
I imagine that guests would be as happy to attend this blessing, as they would be if this couple hadn’t already married. The big difference is that the guests (and clergy) would know the simple truth.
I hope that your husband takes his role as “best man” seriously enough to urge his brother to fess up about this important matter.
…
Dear Amy: Two months ago, I bought a beagle puppy, my first ever.
I live in an apartment in a heavily frequented area, so whenever I take Nutmeg out, he encounters people (lots of them!) who want to pet him.
Many of them will approach with a comment like, “Omigod, I have to say hi!” – or worse, they will just start petting him without asking.
I am usually fine with people petting my dog, but often this happens when I am sitting at a cafe reading, training him, going somewhere in a hurry, or simply too stressed by the responsibilities of dog ownership to cope with people telling me how cute he is.
More disturbing is when people allow their children to pet him without asking. Luckily, my dog is friendly.
Please let readers know that it is discourteous, and sometimes dangerous, to pet a dog or to let their child pet a dog without first asking its owner.
– Dana in Portland, Ore.
Dear Dana: When you have an adorable dog (or child, or Vespa scooter) it is simply a fact of life that people will comment on it.
I’m sorry that this is an occasional burden for you, but for goodness’ sake, if you don’t want to be noticed and greeted by neighbors and passersby, then find another walking route or don’t hang out in cafes. You are in a great position to meet some very nice and interested neighbors.
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