Dear Amy: I will be 15 in a couple of weeks and would like to invite some of my friends from school over for my birthday. My parents are OK with it as long as things don’t get out of hand.
I am kind of nervous about having a boy-girl party at my house, but my biggest problem is that I have one friend who is always acting out.
He always wants to be the center of attention and does whatever it takes, even if it means hurting someone’s feelings, damaging property or getting himself into trouble. Even though I still want to be his friend, it will be hard to relax and have a good time if he comes, because I will be wondering what he is going to do next.
I don’t want to have to deal with this at my house, and the thought of it is enough to make me give up the idea of having friends over on my birthday. But I don’t feel like I can leave him out, either, because he is a member of our group and he invited me to his birthday a few weeks ago. He would be upset and angry to be excluded.
I asked my mom about this and she agreed that it is a sticky problem. She suggested that I write to you.
– Dude With a Dilemma
Dear Dude: One great thing about friends is how good you feel just being in their company. You shouldn’t be scared, intimidated or constantly embarrassed by a friend. So the first question you need to answer is whether you even want to be friends with this guy. If you have witnessed him destroying property, and if he puts his own or others’ safety at risk, then your answer is easy: “I’m sorry, Taylor, but after you punched a hole in the Clarks’ wall, I’m not comfortable having you come over.” (If anyone is injured at your house, your parents are liable.) Maybe this guy has some great qualities that make you want to stay friends with him. If so, then you could give him a chance to be a good guest at your party, but you should do so with your parents “riding shotgun.” Tell him, “You know how strict my folks are. They told me that if there are any problems, then they’d shut down the party and send people home.” During the event, you need to find a way to let your folks know if you are uncomfortable or if you think that things are getting out of hand. (Smart parents keep the snack bowls small at teen parties so that they have an excuse to come in frequently to refill the pretzel bowls; that way they can see for themselves how things are going.)
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Dear Amy: My family and I recently moved into an older home in a nice neighborhood. We are working very hard to maintain the landscaping on our own to save our money for renovations.
We live across the street from a part of the neighborhood that has a neighborhood association.
Recently, I noticed that their landscape maintenance company blows all of the leaves and debris out into the street instead of bagging it. It ends up in my yard.
Should I speak to the association about their landscape maintenance workers?
– Sandra
Dear Sandra: Asking the neighborhood association to review the work of its landscape maintenance crew isn’t creating bad blood between neighbors – you have a legitimate question and possible complaint.
The association that hires and pays for this maintenance company most likely has a contract that includes terms for how the yard debris should be handled. If the maintenance company isn’t bagging the debris and carting it off, then they might be violating their agreement.
You should approach the association sooner rather than later, and in a neutral mode. Leaf-blowing season is around the corner.
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